Dear Joe,

I don’t have a really good understanding of what an open letter is or anything, but I figured it would be nice to reach out to you. Apparently, open letters are all the craze at the moment. It’s nice to know that people will read the stupid things that I think are important if I write them in an open letter.

Can we go back to The Distillery for half-priced appetizers soon? I had a great time last time we did that, and I think it would be a lot of fun again sometime this week. I know this won’t get published until Thursday, so how does Sunday sound? If not, maybe we can go Tuesday? I don’t know, man—it’s really hard to plan this far in advance. I know I always get the buffalo chicken tenders, but I think the loaded fries might be my go-to if we get this chance. Hopefully they have a nice beer on special, too.

Also, how do you feel about going back to Taco Bell at some point? It was great eating all those Quesaritos with you last time, and, with the savings from the mobile app, it was a really affordable treat. Maybe we can get Aaron to come, too, if he doesn’t have too much homework. Let’s try to get ahold of him and figure out what works best for everybody. Maybe we can go for Taco Bell breakfast! They have such silly breakfast items there.

Wow. I’ve never written an open letter before, but now I feel really good about myself. It’s like I made a big difference today.

Let me know, man,


Letter to the Editor: Regarding Gilbert being a non-Euclidean space

Gilbert just loops when one enters the stairwells. The next floor you find is one of the same four floors with occasional derivatives.



Dear Spirit Coordinator: please let me beat up Rocky

I want blood. I don’t know who the current Spirit Coordinator is, but if they’re reading this, I have only one word for them: coward.