This past Thursday, Friday and Saturday, evolutionary biologists at UR observed a concerning trend: the ecosystem balance between squirrels, skunks, groundhogs and cats seemed to be very out of place. Seemingly out of nowhere, cats—an animal not typically seen around campus—were spotted at a ridiculously high rate. When asked about the issue, department members commented, “We are very concerned. What on Earth could have caused such an increase in the population?

An undergraduate student researcher proposed, ‘Maybe it is Halloween?’ We quickly corrected this assumption, announcing that we gave too much work to go out this weekend and that as an undergrad, he needs to keep counting cats. Additionally, this proposition does not explain the animals’ presence on Thursday and Friday. Do things just get dressed up any day of the week now? We expect the population to die out due to a lack of food source.”

Moving forward, it appears this prediction came to fruition. On Sunday, only few cats were spotted, and they seemed much less excited, walking at a slower speed about campus. Even these cats weren’t spotted again. It appears the seemingly-unlimited supply of squirrels does not seem palatable for the excess cats. It is rumored that they choose to feed on Douglass, which was not accessible until the following Monday.

An additional question was why were cats interacting with such varying species? Biologists at UR were curious as to the new behavior. An animal typically known for hiding under beds whenever company is present seemed ecstatic to be social and even conquer cold and rainy conditions to command campus.

Live updates: Wallis Hall sit-ins

Editor’s Note (5/4/24): This article is no longer being updated. For our most up to date coverage, look for articles…

Time unfortunately still a circle

Ever since the invention of the wheel, humanity’s been blessed with one terrible curse: the realization that all things are, in fact, cyclical.

Riseup with Riseman

“I decided to make one for fun — really poor quality — and I put it on my Instagram just to see how people would react," Riseman said.