For the past few weeks, UR’s campus has been in full swing in a variety of ways. On top of having all of our sidewalks resodded and golf carts scurrying down places that motor vehicles aren’t allowed (it’s called a sideWALK), students have been exploring a variety of opportunities in hopes of establishing a full time career for next summer, or maybe even the real world. The fact that I had to wait a week and a half to get an appointment at the Career Center during fall break must say something. If you are like me, you have been procrastinating during this crucial time by pretending to work in Gleason or not pretending to work on the Quad. Now, it’s game time. Career fairs are rampant and I am here to give you some subjective, A-quality advice.

The first play I would like to talk about is what I call the “good applicant bad applicant.” It is nearly identical to “good cop bad cop.” This option requires two individuals: the person who really wants the job, and the friend who really wants to troll employers. You, the person who wants the job, will approach the future employer (it’s nearly definite at this point) and go through the typical spiel. As you talk with the recruiter, the friend will abruptly interrupt the conversation and say something repulsive, or make a positive comment about the company’s competitor. Next, the friend will grab an information booklet without asking, glance at it and proceed to toss it over his/her shoulder. A final note takes advantage of the situation the recruiter is in: sleep deprived, running on coffee. The friend will casually take the recruiters drink without asking, take a sip and do a cartoonish spray/spit. You, being the “good samaritan,” will stand up for the employer and be assertive in escorting your friend away. The comparison to the bad employee will make you seem heavenly even if you don’t have credentials. Long story short,  you probably get hired. Worst case scenario, it is a possible interview.

A second piece of advice regards your introduction. I think it is best to save your name for last. If your first impression is ideal, the employer will see past your slightly unsatisfactory encounter and gladly take your resume. If your first impression is poor, and they already have your name, the chance to make any sort of second impression will be nonexistent. I like to call this strategy “get out of jail free.” If the encounter goes well, say your name and hand them your resume. If it went miserably, make up a stage name (Cal L. Meback is my go-to), and hope you have better luck with the online submission.

My final piece of advice is to befriend the recruiter’s boss, or anyone high up in the company. Casually positioning youself on the commuter train for hours in hopes of meeting the power player is not a bad idea. Splurging and buying good seats to a Knicks game may work. Even if it doesn’t, at least you saw a game. Although, a cost associated with this strategy may include getting tackled by a player diving into the stands. Strolling through the local Ferrari dealership in a suit that looks fancy enough may even draw enough attention for a CEO to approach you. Even better,  date a CEO’s daughter or son. You’d be part of the family, and wouldn’t the father love to keep tabs on his child? Not speaking from personal experience, connections aren’t bad.

Looking back on the tricks that I gave you all, I want to chime in one last note; I can’t say that these actions for landing a job didn’t work. After all, I’m only 0/29 and it takes 30 to be statistically significant.

Kuhrt is a member of the class of 2017.

Colin’s Review Rundown: Future and Metro Boomin, Lizzy McAlpine, Benson Boone, Civerous

Is it bad? Definitely not! But I found myself continually checking my phone to see how many tracks were left.

Furries on UR campus?

A few months ago, as I did my daily walk to class through the tunnels to escape the February cold,…

5 students banned from campus for Gaza solidarity encampment

UR has been banning community members from campus since November for on-campus protests, but the first bans for current students were issued this weekend.