Before this week, sophomore Leo Larson and junior Anna Oliver were like all the other River Campus students. They waited in line at Starbucks, hung out with friends, went to their classes, and vegged out. However, this past weekend, they made a discovery that has shaken the entire UR community and will affect generations to come.
It all started when Larson attempted to disembark (what he thought was) the Southside bus. “When we got off the bus, we were in a completely foreign place, where people hum operas and social stature is dictated by ensemble participation. I decided to name it Eastman – after all, I did have a burst of inspiration after seeing ‘Eastman’ written on the bus,” Larson revealed.
Immediately after making the discovery, Larson and Oliver allegedly explored. What they found was, in many ways, an alternate reality from what they had known.
When they took the same, (newly coined) “Eastman” bus home, they immediately posted their findings to social media. Social media was abuzz about their discovery and the conversation evolved to discuss the inherent sexism in Eastman’s name. After all, according to redditor Meliora_in_my_butth0le, “There are women who go there, right?”
UR President Joel Seligman had to respond with a press release emailed to the whole of the Rochester community. The email, in the format of a “Weekly Buzz”, addressed the need for acceptance and the implications of the name’s possible political incorrectness.
According to a mandate issued later in the day by the President’s Office, Eastman will henceforth be referred to as “East”.
Meliora_in_my_butth0le was one of the most vocal proponents of so-called “Westism”, a philosophy known for its radical exclusion and opposition of the newly fashioned “East” campus and its various tenets.
“Culture there is years behind. I mean, they rage to some dope librettos, but they’re not bangers, ya know?” Meliora_in_my_butth0le wrote. “They don’t make you feel as shitty as the newest Avicii or Skrillex song does. And that’s what college is all about.”
The Office of the Dean for East had no comment.
Schaffer is a member of
the class of 2016.
