The parking at UR is about to change — designated spots will soon be replaced by hitching posts and students will no longer travel solely by land. In fact, water and air will be added as the newest ways to move around the UR campus. Docking locations for boats will be available along the Genesee River. So, what exactly is going on?
For many years, parking has been a hassle for UR students because the campus is fairly small, but the student population is growing. Students are typically excited to bring a car to Rochester, but they find soon after that the only way to use it on campus involves walking 20 miles.
Professors fill the parking spots near Hutchison Hall. Library Lot boasts approximately 50 spaces for which 5,000 students would die for. Todd Lot has about 10 spots, but students living on the Residential and Fraternity quads, along with Southside residents coming from far, far away to party with their peers, race to claim them during weekends.
Every other parking spot is either too out-of-the-way or categorized as “reserved,” “no parking” or “tow-zone.” Some spots are saved for exclusive use by the deans.
Getting on and off campus is difficult because handling a car is tricky at UR. But what about using shuttles and public transportation? Unfortunately, those options are best suited for situations that do not require punctuality. Shuttles are often late and packed during the day. Sometimes, they don’t even stop where they are supposed to.
And then there are the beloved Zipcars — let’s just say that knowing one red light can cause you to be late and incur a $50 fine is pretty unsettling.
So, to combat the many problems, students have found a new way to travel: horses. Not only will disobeying speed limits be next to impossible, but there will also be no problem at all with parking. Tying up reigns will be nowhere near as hard as finding a parking spot because real and makeshift hitching posts will be everywhere.
Yet, the problem-solving doesn’t end with horses — camels and elephants will also join the movement to free students from the hassles of parking. Having animals on campus will benefit UR’s image as well. The animals can graze the quads, which in turn will benefit the ecosystem and show how progressive the University really is. Eastman students will most likely teach the animals how to sing or play an instrument and engineering students will make Jetpacks to travel faster than the speed of a trot.
Anyone, at the very least, can admire the animals. UR and nature will soon be one.
Additionally, the crew team has agreed to chauffeur students wherever they need to go via the Genesee River. Note: The team is not responsible for any radioactive damages inflicted on one’s body upon touching or falling into the water. Forget calling security for drunken rides home at 3 a.m. — call the crew team!
Some students have also decided to invest in hot air balloons, as there are no signs on the buildings’ roofs that prevent them from landing. Of course, getting off of a roof is its own problem, but it will cost less than a parking ticket anyway.
If these methods seem too conventional, might I recommend buying an ostrich? Not only are they fast, but they will also sit on — or even run over — anyone. So, that bimbo who cut you off the last time you were rushing to class, well, he or she will be running now.
Panda is a member of the class of 2014.