Dear Erin,
I’ve been dating this guy for almost a year now, and we go to different schools. Everything was going great until he told me that he’s considering transferring to Rochester to be closer to me. I love my boyfriend, and I enjoy spending time with him, but I also need my own space!
I’m scared that if he comes here, I’ll feel suffocated. How can I tell him how I feel without hurting his feelings? If he does come here, how can I keep my independence and personal space?
Signed,
Too Close for Comfort
Dear Comfort,
Every good relationship is based on two things: honesty and trust. Tell your boyfriend that you love being around him, but that you don’t want him to feel bad if when he does decide to switch schools, you’re not spending every waking moment with him.
After all, absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? Maybe when he sees how involved you are here at UR, he’ll take a hint and do the same. Just remember, even though you need space, don’t neglect each other! Make a date a couple times a week or at least a special effort to talk every day.
-Erin
Dear Erin,
This year, I decided to take five classes. Normally, I’m very social, and I love to go out and party with my friends, but this semester, I already feel overwhelmed. It’s not that I don’t want to go out, it’s just that I really want to do well this semester. Sometimes I feel like I’m missing out on the fun when I have to stay in and study. How can I find a balance?
Signed,
Diligent Party-boy
Dear Party-boy,
OK, this one’s easy. First of all, you shouldn’t feel left out, because even if your friends do ‘bond” when they go out, chances are, they probably won’t remember half of what they bonded over the next day.
Second of all, if you do want to go out with them, set realistic goals for yourself. If there’s something you want to go to at 10 p.m., tell yourself that you have to, for example, read two chapters by 9 p.m. That will give you enough of a window to procrastinate, get some food or even watch a couple of YouTube clips in the meantime. If that doesn’t float your boat, try picking one night each weekend that you are going to dedicate to homework, and then go out the other night. Good luck!
-Erin
Dear Erin,
I’m a math major and so is my best friend. She is very smart, and always attends class and takes notes, but whenever we do our homework together, she always expects me to re-teach her everything we learned in class! I am very busy, and I just don’t have the time or patience to act as her pro-bono math tutor. She is one of my best friends, and I don’t have the heart to tell her that she drives me crazy, but there is no way I can go on like this. What should I do?
Signed,
Down to My Last Integral
Dear Down,
Try suggesting that you both do the work separately first and then meet up together to check your answers. That way, you aren’t just sitting there holding her hand while she figures out the answer to 2 plus 2. If that doesn’t work, explain that you have a lot of other work to do and you really would like to finish math quickly so you can move on. Good luck!
-Erin
Gamoran is a member of the class of 2012.
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