Call them what you want contradictions, oxymorons, ironic situations, sarcastic sayings or antonyms but there’s no denying that our world is full of them. The truth is, much of life makes little sense. Ever since I read Joseph Heller’s ‘Catch-22,” I’ve made it a priority to mentally note and laugh at daily occurrences that completely contrast one another. It’s taken me two years to put some of them into words, but I’ve finally done it.

I naturally turn to the sports world first. As a free agent this past summer, Manny Ramirez denied a $20 million salary from the Florida Marlins. At the same time, children in Africa and Haiti were literally dying of starvation. Fenway Park is a mere 2-mile walk from one of the largest homeless shelters in Boston. Can you think of better opposites? Racecar commentator Murray Walker can. It’s like he knew he wanted to be referenced in this article when he said, ‘We now have exactly the same situation as we had at the start of the race, only the exact opposite.”

Contradictions never occur at UR. The Onion’s editors did not speak in Strong Auditorium two weeks ago about their very serious newspaper. And I didn’t go to the Goergen Athletic Center, eager to run around the indoor track, yet disappointed by the sign that read ‘Walk this way today” which pointed in both the left and right directions. Of course, it’s logical that there are fall and spring semesters at the University. It’s never winter in Rochester, so we shouldn’t have a winter semester.

Let’s flash back to reality, people. I know the right doors in the tunnels are much heavier to open than the left doors. Really, though, why do you insist upon walking through the left door when it says ‘Keep Right” on the damn thing? Why do I do more reading than writing in my WRT 105 class? I’ve kept up to date on almost all of these readings. Yet, last week the one week that I was insanely busy I fell behind on them. Lo and behold, my professor gave a ‘reading check quiz.” It’s like high school in college, and the one thing that you don’t want to happen always does. My RA recently informed me that hair straighteners can now curl your hair. World, are you serious?

Can somebody tell me why Iceland has green land and Greenland is icy? When I went to Spain last April, I saw a sign that told readers to take a right if they wished to see some museums and churches. I was excited to visit these destinations until I saw a nearby sign that forbade both left and right turns. Mind you, there was a brick wall in front of me. What’s more, below that sign was one with an arrow pointing to the left.
I love people whose Facebook pictures show them standing on the grass next to a sign that reads, ‘Please keep off the grass.” I know that song lyrics are deeply inspirational and introspective, but, come on, Jordin Sparks. ‘Hurry up and wait, so close but so far away… you believe and you doubt, you’re confused and got it all figured out” just isn’t cutting it for me.

Speaking of introspection, let’s not talk about myself. I’m not quiet, and I don’t study linguistics, or the ways that people talk. Did you know antonyms are so popular that linguists divide them into four categories? Two words can oppose each other as complementary, gradable, reverse or converse pairs. This article is getting too short now, so I better start it.

Kravitz is a member of
the class of 2012.

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