It’s the beginning of the school year, and all the freshmen are walking around with their lanyards again. Ah, the memories of hall dinners and unfortunate nights on the Frat Quad.
It’s so endearing how friendly they are and how open to new people and new experiences. So, of course, I thought I’d write about the most hyped-up of new experiences: virgin sex.
Now, I wouldn’t want to impugn the sexual prowess of any freshman. I’m sure that many of you are tigers in the sack. You’ve got more notches in your belt than Casanova, bully for you! That doesn’t mean you won’t be sleeping with a virgin or two, eh? This applies.
Seriously, though, there’s a lot of emphasis placed on sexual intercourse (you know, the penis-in-vagina kind) in our culture especially in college. Everybody’s been a virgin, and it feels like a big deal to experience the old in-out for the first time.
It’s important to keep in mind that intercourse isn’t everything. I know, shocking coming from a sex columnist. What I mean, though, is that the penis or vagina will not be the be-all and end-all of your sexual experiences.
There are a lot of fun things to do in bed. If you’re thinking about ‘going all the way,” you’ve probably done some of them already. We place vaginal penetration on a pretty big pedestal, and it’s really just one component of good sex.
That said, if you’re thinking about having intercourse for the first time, you might be a little nervous. Nerves or guilt can actually do a lot to inhibit sexual pleasure. Sometimes, you’ve just got to get it over with and then you’ll feel less tense the second time around.
Alternately, you can wait until you do feel really comfortable with your partner and you know each other’s bodies pretty well, and the nerves might not be as bad. Do whatever you have to do to feel comfortable, and the experience is more likely to be positive.
One big thing to consider before you have intercourse for the first time is protection from both pregnancy and STDs. Use a condom. Just do it. It takes some practice and trial and error to find the best condoms and learn how to use them properly. Try to have a good idea of how they work before you go into it.
If that doesn’t feel safe enough for you, go to University Health Services or Planned Parenthood or just your friendly neighborhood gynecologist (or send your girl to any of those places) to get birth control. Do this in addition to condom use.
Now, if you want to have sex with someone who’s a virgin, the first rule is to respect them and their choices. Some people really value their virginity. Others are trying to abstain from intercourse until marriage. Desire is a powerful thing, but let your virgin friends make the choice themselves. No pressuring people to do things they don’t want. It won’t be fun anyway if they’re not into it.
If your virgin lover does want to play ‘find the sausage” with you, just be attentive. Try to communicate clearly with them about how they feel and what they want.
Talk with them beforehand about what’s going to happen and be prepared for them to change their mind. As with all sex, it’s important to ensure that you’ve got consent for anything you’re going to do. Checking in with your partner during the act can be really endearing. You can also dirty talk your way through it, if the soon-to-be-non-virgin likes that. Just communicate in some way.
As always, have fun with it. Try not to stress yourself out too much about virginity and its loss. I mean, is it really something you ‘have” in the first place?
It’s not like you’ve got a necklace or a watch or something that you’re giving away or ‘losing” in the grass. You’re just adding one more new experience to the intricate story of your life.
Waddill is a member of the class of 2009.