Summer vacation is just around the corner, folks. This can mean a number of things but, for the most part, some sort of employment is probably impending. These jobs can range anywhere from paid sleeping to full-on slavery, and I think it’s worth a glance at the variety of fine summer employment options available, just in case you haven’t taken the chance to find yourself a job.

Summer Day Camp Position: Quite the lucrative job. I figured we could start off on a good note here. This is a fairly prime position to seek out for numerous reasons. First, you currently live on a college campus, so the last experience you may have had with children below four feet tall is most likely out of your memory. Secondly, you get to play kids games all day long. Who doesn’t want to play dodgeball, soccer and capture the flag for the entire day, with the occasional break to go make some awesome macaroni art for your mom? However, this job also comes with downsides. First, there is always one kid who utterly fails at hygiene. Expecting him or her not to smell like a sweaty little fat kid is completely out of the question. You may as well bring a healthy ration of body spray to work every day.

There is also the problem of the child pain threshold, including emotions. You can basically complete a minor in clinical psychology after dealing with the tears associated with falling.

All in all, this is not a bad job to have for the summer, but I’m sure you’ll be glad to return to a place where the youngest person is 17.

Office Lackey: This job is a rough one. There are a few benefits to the position of a filing servant, though. First, if you’re a partier, this is your best bet for showing up hung over. You can sit separated from everyone else, just you, your files and the clamp that is secured to your brain, keeping you from ever being happy again. Also, the work is generally very, very easy. This is a double-edged sword, though, as it can be easy to the point of mind numbing. This is the first of many woes in your office conundrum.

If it’s just some nonsensical office you are involved with, you most likely are going to be placed with the clerical staff – generally a bunch of middle-aged women with the most pointless concerns. Prepare to hear about every mistake that their significant others made last night. A summer spent listening to these conversations will, in fact, most likely lead you to destroy your eardrums. I expect ASL class matriculation numbers to reflect the number of students who find these jobs a good idea.

Parent’s Company: This, my friends, is the ultimate in summer positions. There is little better than working under the watchful eye of those who brought you into existence. It may seem that this position is nothing more than being an office lackey with the addition of being related to those bossing you around. However this is deceiving. Your parents hopefully know what bothers you, so they won’t keep you near the middle-aged secretaries who think you are the cutest thing and are confused that you aren’t 14 anymore.

Also, if your parents are running the show, it is fairly easy to get some friends involved in the summer employment. This is prime, basically doing glorified chores and with friends, no less. So if you are up for finally being the biggest kid in elementary school gym class or the focal point of a middle aged woman’s crush, summer employment holds these opportunities.

Bierasinski is a member of the class of 2010.

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