With award considerations all but finalized by the waning months of fall, the winter season is a secure dumping ground for all the films that Hollywood executives didn’t know what the hell to do with and figured would make good use as last-ditch efforts to turn a profit before the resurgent promise of spring. Sadly, many gems are lost in the shuffle. Here is a list of those bastard films that will warm you up through the bitter Rochester winter, all beginning with “H” for “How Hollywood Has No Huevos”:
The Horrific:
George Romero’s “Diary of the Dead”: Romero continues to make socially relevant zombie films as we become increasingly socially-retarded zombies.
“The Orphanage”: Mexican mastermind Giullermo del Toro produces Juan Antonio Bayona’s stylistic horror film that looks decidedly like a mix between two of del Toro’s own – “Pan’s Labyrinth” and the underrated “The Devil’s Backbone.”
The Humorous:
“Semi-Pro”: Will Ferrell plays Jackie Moon, the afroed player- coach-owner of the ABA’s Flint Michigan Tropics. Based on the teaser trailer alone, I’m expecting a performance on par with Ron Burgundy and Chazz Reinhold.
“Juno”: Michael Cera tries once again to redefine the meaning of “awkward” in this coming-of-age comedy about unplanned teenage pregnancy. I guess that’s not really funny. I need to see a counselor. Ellen Page, Jason Bateman, Jennifer Garner, and the guy who plays Dwight Schrute round out the cast of this year’s “Little Miss Sunshine” that could.
“Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story”: while the previews may seem tacky and you may be confused as to how Dirk Diggler’s sidekick got a leading-role in a comedy, you need to realize that this film was produced and co-written by Judd Apatow, who seems to have a hand in all things funny these days. A plethora of cameo appearances and some original songs make this the most anticipated comedy of the winter season.
“Be Kind, Rewind”: the immensely talented Michel Gondry writes and directs a film about video store clerks (played by Jack Black and Mos Def) who are forced to reenact various films on camera when every tape in their store is unintentionally destroyed by a magnetic force. Only Gondry could handle this subject matter without turning it into an hour-and-a-half long SNL skit.
The Humble:
“Man in the Chair”: films about film tend to kick ass and take names. This one looks no different.
“Atonement”: Joe Wright’s genre-bending adaptation of Ian McEwan’s novel has garnered a lot of late-season Oscar-buzz for its grand ambition and spot-on performances by Keira Knightley and James McAvoy.
The Heavyweights:
“I Am Legend/Cloverfield”: While I tend to hold a glaring contempt toward blockbusters, I’m not going to lie – these two, in all their CGI-glory, look pretty enticing. Mr. Blockbuster himself, Will Smith, becomes the only unaffected survivor of a man-made plague in “Legend,” while J.J. Abrams helms the mysterious metropolitan monster flick “Cloverfield.”
“Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street”: couple the proven success of Tim Burton and Johnny Depp with the comedic genius of Borat, sprinkle a dash of violence and a teaspoon of the macabre, turn it all into a musical, and what do you get? One of the most curious and original-looking films of the year.
“There Will Be Blood”: writer/director/genius Paul Thomas Anderson ditches the boring title of Upton Sinclair’s seminal working-class novel “Oil!” in favor of a more literal epithet for this film about greed, religion, oil and, yes, violence in early 20th-century America. Sound familiar? Get ready for one of the most ambitious, controversial and hellacious films of the year.
The “Holy Shit! How Did These Movies Even Get Made?”:
“Tony and Tina’s Wedding” (because it stars a former NKOTB), “P.S. I Love You” (unless she forces you to at gunpoint), “Rambo” (I’m morally opposed to Sylvester Stallone still making movies), “The Eye” (Japanese horror remakes are played out like Boston sports fans), “Babylon A.D.” (Vin Diesel should stop making movies and become the spokesman for Mr. Clean already) and “Step Up 2 the Streets” (come on, guys).
Milbrand is a member of the class of 2008.
