I love my boyfriend but the excitement is gone in our relationship. Last week, I hooked up with one of his friends and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to tell him, but I feel awful lying. I’m really afraid that he will find out and everything will be screwed up. What should I do?
~Lost in Lovejoy
Dear Lost,
What a twisted web we weave, when at first we try to deceive. You have several options. It all depends on how much you value your relationship.
When you complain of the “excitement” being gone, it may just be that the two of you are past the infatuation stage. This drop in excitement will occur with any relationship. If, however, you mean that he has stopped waxing his monkey butt and started reusing underwear, then perhaps there is trouble in paradise. A pro/con list of reasons for the relationship might really help you find some clarity. If all signs point to butt hair, then I recommend ending this relationship before you get too far into the jungle. It’s a scary place at night for a young girl.
If you decide that you want to keep Mr. Monkey around and you do really “love” him, then telling him the truth would be best. It will be a much worse situation if he finds out through his friend – or worse – a third party.
Once he finds out, everything will probably be screwed up, but it doesn’t sound perfect at the moment anyhow. I would avoid details – as they are only painful. You should focus on your intentions to continue the relationship as well as your deep sorrow over your pleasure hop.
It’s best if you sit him down and tell him in a neutral setting. Your hookup’s suite would not be advised. Be prepared for anger and sadness. Finding out you’ve been played can be a huge ego crusher.
It helps to set time limits on the talk. That way you can say, “In three hours, I have to be somewhere.” It gives him time to reflect and keeps you from feeling swallowed whole. It’s best if you have someone to meet afterward. You may want a de-briefing to help calm yourself.
If he decides to continue dating, he may be very cautious for some time. Give him the space he needs to work it out.
Even though you’ve been working on this for a bit, it’s news to him. As such, he’s going to be super-sensitive and slightly jealous. Give him room to pee on his fire hydrants and release his frustrations.
Good luck with your conciliatory efforts, and remember to try hooking up outside your inner-circle. Remember when Jen and Dawson hooked up? Poor Joey ended up with Pacey. Inner-circle hook-ups beget ugly couples. Don’t be an ugly couple. No one likes ugly.
Got a love and relationship question that’s literally, ummm … burning? Ask the Love Goddess Robyn Tanner, at ctfeats@hotmail.com.
