The other day, a co-worker decided to show me how she could get a condom all the way up her arm – no problem. At first the whole situation kind of threw me in for a loop. I mean, how often do you see someone walking around wearing a condom as a sleeve?

It must be noted that this was not “Joy Goofs Off in the Office Day,” but rather a very structured, scientific experiment designed to show that no matter how big he thinks he is, there is a condom that will fit.

So what exactly is safe sex?

Basically, safe sex means that you take basic precautions to ensure that you don’t get anyone else’s blood, semen, vaginal fluids or breast milk in your body. Condoms are one of the ways to protect you and your partner from sexually transmitted diseases, but they’re not foolproof. It is essential that you take basic precautions every time you have sex, and that you use the products correctly.

The best condoms to use for anal and vaginal intercourse are lubricated latex condoms – try polyurethane for those with latex allergies. Lubricant is a great addition to your basic condom, particularly for women who tend to get sore or if it’s your first time.

Always use a water-based lube like KY Jelly, Aqua Lube, Wet and so on because oil breaks latex. And definitely don’t use vaseline, hand creams or lotions. All of the above products can be bought at your local drugstore.

If you are going to be having any kind of sex, then safe sex is definitely the way to go. Condoms come in a huge variety of sizes, flavors, textures and whatnot. Find the brand that works for you, and if you’re nervous about using one, practice beforehand. Guys, you know what I mean.

And ladies, they sell bananas at the Corner Store. Using a condom should be like wearing pants – quick, easy and a pre-requisite to living in society.

Newman works in the Health Promotion Office of the University Health Service and can be reached at

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