My roomie is having lots of sex and it’s not that I’m jealous of her romping, but I worry about her getting herpes. She says she is on the pill and she’s safe, but she never uses a condom! I don’t know what to tell her because she just freaks out on me every time I try to talk to her before she goes out. -Collectin’ Infection in Crosby
Dear Collectin’ Infection,
Talking to anyone about their sexual patterns is dangerous territory, especially someone at high risk. Your roommate is likely to be defensive about her sexual practices. Anyone sleeping around isn’t likely to admit that their behaviors are putting them at risk. That being said, there are ways to begin an open conversation about her weekend or perhaps daily sexual encounters.
The first concern with your roommate seems to be the misconception that contraceptive pills equal protection. Not so. Sure, she probably won’t get pregnant but Mr. Herpes, Mrs. Chlamydia and little Gonorrhea can still come over for tea.
We all should know to wrap it before you tap it, which is for everyone. Protection exists for nearly every sexual act out there – it’s all about your zest for safety. Females engaging in some romping with females can even pick up some good old protection for the vagina. It exists. Look for the dental dam in stores near you.
And for the folks out there practicing tribadism, or genital to genital rubbing, may I suggest dry humping. It may not sound as much fun, but orgasm will occur – just keep rubbing.
The next issue is that your roomie isn’t getting to know her partners. No sex is safe, but not knowing your partners is a serious issue. Casual sex may be a good college joke, but it comes with serious risks both physically and psychologically.
There is some basic info to pass onto your roomie, but timing is key. You shouldn’t advise her of all this as she walks out the door. Find a calm time when you are both in the room hanging out. If she gets defensive, then back off. Emphasize that you are concerned for her safety and that is the only reason you are bringing up safe sex. Do not ever be judgmental and stay calm.
Last Collectin’ Infection-you can’t save the planet from STDs. Many have tried to alleviate the risks of sex since the dawn of the itch, bump, rash, sterility, and discharge.
You have a good start by trying to help. If all fails, you have some good info for your own sex life.
Wishing you safer sex!
Got a love and relationship question that’s literally, ummm … burning? Ask the Love Goddess herself, Robyn Tanner, at firstname.lastname@example.org.