My boyfriend loves being on top when we have sex. I hate always being on the bottom, but I don’t know how to tell him. I talked to him once about it, but he just says he has never been on the bottom. How do I get on top? -Bummed with the Bottom in Burton
Dear Bummed Bottom,
There are a couple of solutions to your top heavy problem. You might try asking your boyfriend what his specific trouble is with switching up your position. A lot of guys, both gay and straight, can view the bottom position as less than manly. Assure him this is not true. You are simply trying to focus on the quality of your sex life.
Offer to switch it up. Maybe you can start on bottom and work your way to the top. Or you could switch from your boy on top to you on top every other time you have sex.
There are also plenty of positions to try out instead of focusing on who’s on top. In the olympics of sex, everyone can get a gold medal. Try a rear entry position, also known as doggie style. It may help if you can both lay on your side with your boyfriend entering from the rear and laying on his side behind you.
Finally, to up the emotional pack that pounding from the top gives, a face-to-face lying position might work for you. In this position both you and your partner would be able to see each other, which has proven to improve sexual encounters, at least for your emotions. Plus, it takes the thrusting movement pressure off of the one on top and gives you each equal footing. Simply lie side to side, facing each other, and enjoy the fun. This position may require some practice and negotiation on positioning, but should alleviate your top/bottom struggle.
The key to all of these positions is communication. Talk to your beau and really discuss what will add to your bedtime fun as well as your relationship.
And remember, practice makes perfect!
Got a love and relationship question that’s literally, ummm … burning? Ask the Love Goddess herself, Robyn Tanner, at firstname.lastname@example.org.