While Jon Stewart eats his dinner, the Campus Times asks hard-hitting questions about superpowers, cartoon characters and EZ-Pass. Then we make him feel old.

CT: So I heard you drove up.

JS: Yes I did.

CT: How was your drive?

JS: Uh, it was a little soggy, until I cleared, uh, probably Binghamton.

CT: Do you have EZ-Pass?

JS: What, are you kidding me? Come on, you’ve got to have the EZ-Pass. I’m not going to sit in the line like a schmuck!

CT: Did you stop at the Thruway rest stops?

JS: I usually stop in Cortland. Because they have a nice, uh, fast food, I don’t want to say village – Wendy’s, McDonald’s, Taco Bell. . .Can I just say, here, the pickle chip? Kosher dill pickle chip? [holding up the pickle from his cheeseburger]

CT: Yeah?

JS: Fabulous.

CT: Excellent. So let’s get to the hard news now. I read your book, Naked Pictures of Famous People –

JS: Oh that was you?

CT: Yes. If you could take a naked picture of any famous person, who would it be?

JS: I did it, I have it on the book, on the cover.

CT: You did that? That’s a good picture.

JS: Thank you. That’s really Lincoln.

CT: Oh, I didn’t know who it was, because they blacked out the eyes.

JS: Yeah. No, it’s – [laughs] yeah, exactly. I took that when he was in college and he needed extra money. It’s a sordid story.

CT: I see. So anyway, if you could have a superpower, what would that be?

JS: What would it be?

CT: Yeah.

JS: How could you not go with flying? Can anybody not go with flying?

CT: Oh come on, what about invisibility?

JS: What fun is invisibility?

CT: You can do whatever you want. You’re invisible.

JS: I don’t know about invisibility. I mean flying – what if they catch you? They could throw the Cloak of Visibility over you, they could throw a sheet over you and suddenly you’re visible again, like, they got all kinds of shit these days for invisibleness. But flying? That’s a power.

CT: I guess you have a point there. So who would you want to have on your show, of the people we have here this weekend? We’ve got Hillary Clinton, Salman Rushdie, Fareed Zakaria, Ted Turner –

JS: I already had Fareed on.

CT: Oh. Well who is your favorite cartoon character?

JS: That’s a good question. Commander McBrag. From the old Commander McBrag Show. Do you remember Commander McBrag?

CT: No.

JS: Rocky and Bullwinkle. Commander McBrag used to say [in a silly voice] “Back in India! Did I ever tell you about the time I was stranded in the…” and then he had like a little sidekick guy who would go, “Yes, Commander.”

CT: What about Scrooge McDuck?

JS: McDuck I never cared for particularly. But Commander McBrag, Simon and Peabody, classics. Tennessee Tuxedo, Dudley, uh Dudley Dooright, and uh, Dick Dastardly? Muttly? Remember Muttly?

CT: No.

JS: Well, what are your cartoon characters? What do you guys have? [to Emily, the photographer] What year were you born?

CT: 1984.

JS: Oh, my god! Are you kidding me? You were born in 19 – I graduated college in 1984. Holy… I’m your father! [to Kelly] When were you born?

CT: 1983.

JS: It’s crazy! That’s wild.

CT: Oh wait, I’ve got another question.

JS: Wait, hold on a second, let me just do some math. [to Emily] 18?

CT: 18, yes.

JS: [to Kelly] 19.

CT: 19.

JS: Well I graduated in ’80, right? So…that’s crazy.

Smith can be reached at ksmith@campustimes.org.

Rochester is not a dying city

A city cannot be dying if there are so many people who are pumping it with life.

The lost opportunities for military dependents at UR

I am a military dependent: a child of an active duty or retired military member. If that’s not identity, then I don’t know what is.

What’s the Buzz? Bross speaks on Bee Campus certification

Becoming Bee Campus certified gives the University more points on the STARS program, which assigns ratings to campuses for their sustainable efforts.