I am not sure if I have ever really given my girlfriend an orgasm. How can I tell if her orgasm is real? – “Did she?” in Crosby

There is no way to truly be sure whether or not your girlfriend had an orgasm without asking her. While a man’s climax is very evident, the presence of a genuine female orgasm can be a bit ambiguous to the partner. For both men and women, an orgasm is defined as a series of contractions of the pelvic floor muscles occurring at the peak of sexual arousal.

In French, the word for orgasm is “le petit mort,” which literally means “the little death,” presumably linking the pleasure of sex with the ecstasy of immortal transcendence. While subjective reports are similar in that they all involve sensation elation, the orgasm can be experienced in a variety of ways.

Some people report surges of pleasure running from their heads to their toes, their bodies shuddering uncontrollably. Others describe orgasm as the ultimate relaxation, when all tension and anxiety is released out of the body. And finally, some people even lose their hearing, tuning out the entire world.

There are also a few gender differences regarding orgasm. While men are plagued with a refractory period, a time when no amount of additional stimulation will result in an orgasm, women are capable of having orgasms one after the other. However, it is men who usually win the race in reaching climax. Women are often left unsatisfied, giving them no choice but to “fake it” on occasion.

If you do find out that your girlfriend has been putting on a show to stroke your ego, you may want to help her out. Try focusing on the clitoris. It is much easier for most women to attain orgasm through this method.

No matter what, though, it is probable that she will experience orgasm if you just attend to her desires. Women have orgasms by accident all of the time, in their dreams, while swimming, when they are in a hurry to get somewhere, etc. So even if you find out your girlfriend hasn’t had one with you, she’s probably had one in some other situation. On the other hand, if her moaning is for real, don’t stop there, try for multiples!

– Joan

Got a love and relationship question that are literally, ummm … burning? Send your questions to the features staff at ctfeats@hotmail.com.

Joan can be reached at jknihnicki@campustimes.org.

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