While the first amendment gives people the freedom to say just about anything they want to, there are often drawbacks to this right, especially when it comes to printing “The Hawaiian Whannabe.”

Sure, it’s great when we want to criticize the government, or suggest changes to better society, but when The Once Upon a Times wants to stop printing the “The Hawaiian Whannabe,” we’re trapped.

Arguably considered the worst, least funny four-by-two inch space in existence, “The Hawaiian Whannabe” has slaughtered readers by the dozens, shocking them after reading entertaining comics like “Who Cares?” and “Sass the Frass.”

While we, in our role as agents of the press, feel strongly about the importance of freedom of speech, there are some decisions that we make regrettably, because of the pain they cause others.

Printing of inane and unhumorous comics, while unfortunate, is our responsibility as members of the press.

There is, however, a solution. Firstly, we sincerely apologize for the pain we have caused any of our readers. Secondly, we encourage you to take the only action possible to help us rectify this error.

Write your senators and congressmen, even the president, and beg for them to repeal the first amendment. This amendment, while long heralded as one of the best protectors of our rights in this country, is the reason why we are obligated to print comics such as “The Hawaiian Whannabe.”

This unbounded freedom must be stopped. The first amendment, its freedom of speech and its freedom of the press need to be restricted in some ways.

Again, we need to apologize, but we also stress: it is not entirely our fault. The Constitution is partially to blame, and the only way to rectify this problem is to change the Constitution.

We are truly sorry, and nothing we do can make up for the pain we have caused, but we can learn something from this.

Perhaps the lesson Sid Jackler has taught us all with “The Hawaiian Whannabe” is the need for change in our current Constitution.

Jackler’s unreasonable ?dare we say obscene ? comic has brought to light the weaknesses in our current form of government, and we feel that it is our duty to attempt to change those weaknesses.

This would also rectify the sad position of the second amendment, placing it in the appropriate seat of authority as our new first amendment.

The Wizard of Todd can grant you heart, brains, courage, or a trip to anywhere in the lower 48 states, if you are able to contact him telepathically.



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