Aquarius (Jan. 20?Feb. 18) ? Happy birthday to Aquarius! Stand tall and don’t be passive aggressive. Nobody will be able to argue with you when you’ve got that glint in your eye.

Pisces (Feb. 19?March 20) ? Here’s an idea! Wow everybody by inventing a new mixed drink! Blue Curacao is always an interesting ingredient to use. Or fight the cold by shaking up something hot and spicy!

Aries (March 21?April 19) ? A change is in order for you. Stop, stand still and listen. Go experiment with edible finger paint.

Taurus (April 20?May 20) ? That person you’ve been eyeing needs to know he or she is loved. Remember, there’s no such thing as too much lube. Go and get ’em!

Gemini (May 21?June 21) ? Missing your love? Send flowers. A beautiful bouquet will remind your lover that you care. What’s not to like about something that’s eye-catching and smells delicious? Don’t forget, guys like flowers too.

Cancer (June 22?July 22) ? My dear, sometimes you work waaaay too hard. What you need is a good movie, good company, and some good beer. Don’t forget the chips and salsa!

Leo (July 23?Aug. 22) ? You’ve been in the same place for a wee bit too long. Go and organize a roadtrip with a few of your buds. Time away from things will give you new perspective.

Virgo (Aug. 23?Sept. 22) ? Bad things may happen, but “was nicht mich umbringt, mach mich starker.” Don’t take yourself too seriously, and don’t forget to love the one you’re with.

Libra (Sept. 23?Oct . 22) ? You’ve been so stressed out that you see imaginary gray hairs! Go meditate! Do some butt-kicking yoga! Yoga is harder than it looks, but will be a welcomed challenge.

Scorpio (Oct. 23?Nov. 21) ? You are blissfully unaware of how self-involved you’ve become. True, we all make mistakes, but somebody very dear to you is chafing under your tirade. Make amends, and all will be well.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22?Dec 21) ? That big goal you’re chasing after will soon be in reach. It’s all yours. Enjoy it! You’ve earned it! Party!

Capricorn (Dec. 22?Jan. 19) ? You need a new look to escape the winter blahs. Do something with your hair. Reinvention is the key to sucess.

(If you actually believe this, it’s time to get your straightjacket mended. This is not to be taken seriously.)

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