1. Tracy McGrady recently stated that Steph Curry’s unanimous MVP win is proof that the NBA is softer than it used to be. Yes, the NBA is too soft for a guy who’s name sounds like a Dr. Seuss character.

2. Hulu founder Jason Kilar delivered the commencement address at the University of North Carolina. He used to do commencements for free, but now he’s charging $7.99 per month—with no commercials.  

3. President Obama is set to speak at both Howard University’s and Rutgers University’s graduations. Obama stated, “Well, if you thought these four years were rough, imagine having to do it a second time.”

4. A man requested a restraining order against God, to which God replied, “Fine, I’ll be there in spirit.” 

5. “Another study has found that calling your mom on the phone can make you feel better, Chris,” said my mother.

6. A Chinese boy was born with 31 fingers and toes. This turns the story, “This little piggy,” into a novel.

7. Philly Jesus was arrested in Philadelphia for trespassing and disorderly conduct at an Apple Store. He was placed in jail, but after three days, he disappeared.

8. A Florida man accidentally shot himself while cleaning his gun, and didn’t notice the wound until he changed his shirt two days later. Moral of the story: Don’t wear the same shirt two days in a row.

9. UR’s commencement will take place this weekend, which will mark the greatest number of people on the Eastman Quad since last year’s Commencement, with the first day of Spring falling in a close third.



Longtime Dining worker fired for what she says was a punch-in mistake

McKnight said that being fired for allegedly being six minutes late does not outweigh her 17 years of service to UR, which she said lacks serious conduct issues.

Lack of an Iran deal means war

My grandpa was drafted during the Korean war but was lucky enough to be stationed in Alaska as a sharpshooting instructor, far from the fighting. My dad went to community college during Vietnam to avoid the draft. I fear that I might be unlucky enough to be alive during another draft, for an Iranian war.

Choose your own Commencement

You see a fun article on the Campus Times website. Do you want to read it? Yes (proceed to article) or No (proceed to article anyway)