LAS VEGAS—A smile ran across democratic presidential candidate Lincoln Chafee’s face as he came to a bold realization: this question was for him. Debate moderator Anderson Cooper had called on the former Rhode Island governor to share his opinion on climate change at the Democratic presidential debate Tuesday night. Chafee’s face lit up; like a dog wagging his tail on the way to a local park, he turned red and tried not stumble over his words in excitement.

This question was easy; climate change is bad, and Chafee knew it, too! With the butterflies fluttering away in his stomach, he eagerly replied, “Climate change is not good.” Cooper and the rest of crowd watching the debate agreed with Chafee. He got the question right and, more importantly, people were listening to him; an accomplishment indeed.

“I’m so glad people were listening to me,” Chafee said, while reflecting on the debate. “It was so exciting with all the lights and people. I think I made a couple mistakes, but I definitely tried my best.” This man deserved a pat on the back indeed.

Chafee, whose 0.3 percent of the polls currently equals the margin of error of said polls, is optimistic that he can break into full integers at the heels of this performance. “I think it takes off from here. The sky is the limit!” Chafee proclaimed, peering over his shoulder and around the room for whoever might be in ear’s reach.

“It can only go up from here,” Chafee said in some of his parting words. Not much is sure for Chafee’s presidential future, but that much can universally be agreed upon: it can only go up from here.

D’Antona is a member of the class of 2016.

 



Bader-Gregory and Lopez to lead SA

Sophomore Elijah Bader-Gregory, current SA vice president, will serve as SA president next year after beating first-year Sammy Randle III…

Colin’s Review Rundown: English Teacher, Imminence

English Teacher “This Could Be Texas” For fans of: Black Country, New Road; Black Midi British rockers English Teacher came…

Available now, for a limited time: Pig Syrup

The fact that this market hasn’t been tapped yet astounds me. There are so many reasons to transform into a pig!