Aries (March 21-April 19) – You’ll be hurt when your loved one asks you to get a G-spot GPS system for Valentine’s Day.

Taurus (April 20-May 20) – Need some extra motivation to quit smoking? Get pregnant!

Gemini (May 21-June 21) – As a BCS major, participating in studies is a great way to make money while destroying your competitor’s research.

Cancer (June 22-July 22) – Because Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow, the rest of this hemisphere will have six more weeks of Rochester.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) – Huge, campus -wide events such as Winterfest and compelling Super Bowl ads really make the $45K worth it.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) – It’s great having a female on your construction team. She’ll love to do all the jackhammer work!

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) – When bringing your computer to class for a presentation, don’t forget to change the illicit photoshop of one of your classmates as your background.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) – It’s nice to know that while you’re out at the bars having a good time, someone is intensely studying in Carlson so he can save your liver in 40 years.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) – Remember, it’s not always just her desires that can be burning for you!

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) – You won’t be surprised to hear that Tilt’s specialty is their flaming shots.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) – As a beautiful pair of twins ride by, you’ll realize that tandem bicycles can be very arousing.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) – Giving up vowels for Lent will not excuse you from writing your term paper.

(If you actually believe this, then you believed in the Patriots hype.)



The Kingdom of Sweets comes to Rochester

A classic holiday traditiion for many families, this showing of "The Nutcracker" was a collaborative effort between various organizations in the community.

The worst weight-loss advice

You shouldn’t need to go on an extreme diet just to lose weight or feel good about yourself, and a lot of weight-loss advice on the Internet can actually be really toxic — or just flat-out stupid.

Please don’t look at me while I’m studying

I almost felt like a real college student for a second, instead of the precarious pyramid of nocturnal raccoons (in sunglasses and a trench coat, of course) that I actually am.