Finding my direction

I’m not going to profess to possess any sort of wisdom following my collegiate career. The first two years – lamentably dubbed ‘The Really Dark, Dark Ages’ – were spent in video-game-and-nap oblivion, a purgatory I escaped only with a trip abroad and the subsequent realization that a world existed outside of my dorm room, albeit a world with far fewer Fruit Roll-Ups per capita. Instead, I’d like to take a moment to reflect on exactly where it is that I find myself now. I should have no trouble finding such a moment, considering that I have yet to make other plans for my future.When speaking with relatives, they often inquire – amid other similarly inspiring questions – whether or not I have any direction in my life. I rarely know how to respond, and this is because I rarely recognize said relative and am quite frightened. The rest of time, however, it’s because I myself don’t know the answer. My parents recently noticed this indecision and, having just moved into a new house that coincidentally boasts a one-room vacancy, were sure to note that I could move back in with them. “In fact,” Mom added, “a family down the street has a son who just graduated from college, and he moved back in – you’d have someone to play with.” My prospects were looking grim.I can understand their concern, though. I’ve never put much stake into my degree – I always told myself that if I was going to be successful, it was going to happen on account of my own extra-curricular ingenuity and motivation. Originally this philosophy was adopted to justify ninety-hour weeks of Tecmo Super Bowl, but midway through college that focus, along with my underwear, finally changed. An overwhelming sense of purpose and towering ambition overcame me, and I redirected those hours of NES into pursuits that were both engaging and enriching. Somewhere, Mom cried with joy.Yet, as graduation approaches, I suddenly find myself at a daunting crossroads. One path leads me toward a life of fulfillment, a life in which I’ve taken risks, followed my dreams and realized my goals. The other path leads toward a secure life, one in which I’m afforded those simple pursuits that I’ve come to enjoy, such as “eating” and “living somewhere.” And as anyone who has parked their car on Genesee Street can attest, security is important in life. Yet, something keeps nagging at me.Marriage to Shakira aside, I have no idea what the proverbial road less taken will entail. What I do know is that for as long as I can remember, I’ve subscribed to a philosophy mandating that I never settle – that I always be happy in what I’m doing – and if that entails following those potentially misguided aspirations, so be it. After all, if your name isn’t on the shirt you’re wearing, someone else’s is. Perhaps my all-but-arbitrary choice of UR and its Meliora motto was more appropriate than I first realized, for now I can answer that question that so many stranger/relatives have posed. Yeah, I do have direction.I just don’t know where it leads.Janowitz can be reached at njanowitz@campustimes.org.