I’ve heard a lot of crazy things in my life. Many of them have even come out of my own mouth. However, many of the kookiest things I’ve heard (whether from myself, my mother, or the media) have wound up being true. The same can be said — if you care to indulge me — for the “Conspiracy Council” at the Focus Theater: a rambunctious Fringe Festival event featuring some of the strangest yet well-backed theories to recently grace Rochester.
As one may expect, this “Conspiracy Council” means some pretty official business. Pretty official science, one may say, as justified by the panel’s strong accreditations in “Ph.D.s” (like Andrew X. Hunter) and “AdhDs” (represented by Briar Rose-Murphy) alike.
URochester alum Drew Consorti, who argued that wearing makeup in your sleep is actually better for you, presented field research of their own self-experimentation. After what they claimed to be three weeks (which included visits to both Paris and Mount Rushmore — a world traveler!), I had to admit that their eyeliner held up pretty strong. Rachel Nates, who ran on the theory that all Aldi cheese is the same, just dyed different colors, brought in a classic blindfolded taste test as certifiable empirical evidence. Plus she donned a tin-foil hat as a means of aesthetically certifying her conspiracy prowess. With Nates’ cleverly included manipulations, like manufacturing holes in a piece of cheddar, our dear audience participant guessed with only 25% accuracy the types of cheese in the Aldi Cheese Party Pack.
It’s for certain that our dear presenters find opposition to be quite big. Consorti cited “Big Cosmetics.” Nates introduced the concept of “Big Cheese.” Despite the differences in these entities, both alluded to the greatest conspiracy of them all: “Big Capitalism.”
Hunter, holding strong to his pseudo-doctorate (and countering “Big Xenocrypticphobia”), went into the linguistic weeds to prove a well-nuanced take on an existing conspiracy: that Bigfoot, despite his name, does not actually have big feet. Following an ominous survey in which folks imputed their height, foot size, and an instantly snapped photo of the “audience anomalies” around them, he revealed his mathematically grounded Size Over Length Estimate (SOLE) methodology. In the theorem, sasquatch is just average — which is actually pretty good if you consider that size doesn’t matter. While my biggest takeaway from Hunter’s half-yelled presentation was his desperate need for a cough drop, I found myself quite convinced by his headstrong argument and audience-derived scatter plot. Talk about data journalism.
On the other hand, some of the arguments found looser conclusions. While Rose-Murphy’s initial concept (pertaining to “Mamma Mia” and Donna’s suggested blessings from Demeter) felt strong, the plot unraveled as quickly as, well “Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again.” This as well as a few AI-generated images scattered throughout the slides soured the act, despite her best and humorous efforts to hand out corn in the grain goddess’ honor.
The evening’s final (and seemingly most determined) conspiracy came from a blanket-donning “third grader” (wink) named “Ana” (wink?) who “most of us probably didn’t know because she needed extra time in some of her classes” and “had to talk with the counselor a lot” (wink wink wink). Her theory, which you’ve probably never heard before, proposed that Christmas’ present-granting guardian isn’t real. I know. Santa being fake? Probably the most unrealistic theory of the night. However, Ana took to the stage with a whiteboard and a red-stringed hypothesis, quite literally winding the audience up into the twisted concept that Santa is actually “her parents.” Laugh out loud.
At the end of the night, Nates ended up bringing in the cheddar, winning the evening’s crown: a tinfoil hat trophy that matched her own. As much as I don’t want to believe it, it is a scary thought that this Big Cheese theory could actually be true.
With the performance’s temporary run, I really hate to tell all the truth seekers out there that the “Conspiracy Council” seems to be on hold for the foreseeable future. However, for more laughs in otherwise dark times, upcoming events can be found on The Focus Theater’s website.
