I’ve always had bad luck. 

Out of 10 games of chance, I would always lose at least nine, and the few games that I did win were always won because the other players pitied me. 

That is, until I got tired of losing.

It all began one summer night when I was playing a “peaceful” game of Monopoly with a few friends. They had taken all the land on the map, and everyone was beating me by at least 500 MD (Monopoly Dollars). We had only been playing for an hour.

By that point in the game, I had already landed in jail three times, gotten five speeding fines worth 15 MD each, and paid my doctor’s fee (50 MD) thrice. The only good things I had going for me was winning second prize (10 MD) in a beauty contest (as I should) and it apparently being my birthday twice.

I had zero properties to my name, and I was very poor. Even worse, my friends had a rule where, every time we got sent to Monopoly jail, we had to announce the crime that we got charged with. 

So, not only was I broke, I had apparently also assaulted Mickey Mouse, stole mildly warm milk from Santa Claus, and ran over the characters from “The Simpsons.”

Not too long afterwards, I was kicked out of the game for being too broke to afford rent, and all of my properties (of which there were none) were sent back to the bank. 

I swore that very day that I would have my revenge.

I tried every luck-enhancing ritual on the internet, from dancing around an array of scented candles, to eating as many boxes of Lucky Charms cereal as I could.

After a week, I had finished writing the number 777 a total of 777 times, found seven four-leaf clovers, wished upon three shooting stars, caught seven ladybugs, and went through my luck enhancement ritual process a total of three times per day over the course of the seven days.

For a while, I was the luckiest man alive. After challenging my friends again, I won every Monopoly game that we played. Yet, my good luck came with a curse. I was quickly bored.

No longer did I win second prize in the beauty contest. I could only win first. 

No longer did I go to jail. I could only pass GO.

No longer did I have to pay doctor’s fees. The doctors paid me.

I was tired of the monotony of winning.

And so, I walked under all the ladders I could find, broke all the mirrors in my house, and opened all the umbrellas I could under roofs until I was back where I started.

Unlucky as always, but this time, I was happier. 

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Oftentimes, rather than embracing femininity as part of who they are, these characters only retain traditionally masculine traits.

UR Softball continues dominance with sweeps of Alfred University and Ithaca College

The Yellowjackets swept Alfred University on the road Thursday, winning both games by a score of 5–4.

Notes by Nadia: The myth of summer vacation

Summer vacation is no longer a vacation.