Motherhood. We women have one of two reactions to the word: (1)Excitement. Some cannot wait to have a child. They plan to have one or more. They love to see and interact with children. (2)Dread or numbness to the conversation they know will come. As a woman, it is practically expected to have a child at some point in your life. 

I personally don’t want children. I have never wanted children and never will. For me, having or even being near children is not a joy that I have in life. I find the idea of something growing within my body, inside my own stomach, revolting. Now don’t misunderstand me — for those of you who have or want children, I wish you happiness and joy. But for me, I am happy with some cats and some books and eventually a partner. I came to this conclusion when I was a child and it has never changed.

But only if it were that easy. 

One would think it was that easy — don’t have sex, use birth control and condoms. Hilariously enough that is not the struggle with choosing to not be a mother. It is society.

Society dictates our choices and routines. Society dictates that before having a child (birthed, adopted, surrogate) you should have a well-paying job, a partner, a house, a car, and be under the age of 30. 

However, no matter what, at some point you are expected to have a child — no matter how demanding or time-consuming other aspects of your life are. Every time I tell someone that I don’t want children, I get a variety of the same response: You’ll have them when you’re older; You’ll understand when you’re older; You say that now but you will change your mind; You just haven’t found the right man yet. 

I have always felt dumbfounded and unsure how to respond when faced with these responses. The audacity for someone to refute me when I tell them that I do not want children and tell me that I will have a child, either of my own choosing or from the pressure from my man, is honestly insulting. 

At times I also found it hard to be respectful. Over time I have come to expect these responses and dread conversations involving the topic of motherhood. 

That is not to say that there aren’t people who give different responses, more accepting responses. 

There was only one woman who accepted my answer point-blank without saying anything about how I would change my mind, how I’d understand, or how I was wrong. Nothing. It was just pure acceptance. 

I will be honest — anytime I get asked the dreaded question, I always prepare a rebuttal and am ready to respond. Not having someone tell me that I will have kids and accept that I will not was shocking and so very, very sad.

Regardless, I will not ever become a mother.



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