Doors creak. Winds blow. Lights flicker.

It’s come; October is upon us. And with it, the annual wave of festivity for the month that has been affectionately christened “Spooktober” by the internet, and its many fiends of memes.

Once upon a chilly, spooky night, many years ago, the world witnessed the first gathering of recruits for perhaps the most noble cause of all: The Skeleton War. Though they rest 11 months of the year, once Halloween is in the air, The Skeleton War resumes. Ranks of Skelly Bois stocked with memes and righteousness join the effort to overwhelm the globe with their insurmountable spookiness.

This bout of festiveness is not free from the havoc-wreckage of The Year of Our Lord 2020, however, and this disaster of a year is accountable for the largest recruitment numbers The Skeleton War has seen yet, and boy, do these new recruits have a bone to pick with the living because, well, because 2020.

Panic has gripped the nation as physics-denying bones invade every aspect of daily life. Whether you’re browsing the internet or taking the average 2 a.m. trek through the graveyard, nobody is safe from these decomposed demons.

From seances pleading for mercy to shrines of Party City bones, every attempt has been made to bargain with the soldiers of The Skeleton War, but, humerusly enough, no mercy is to be found within the sea of troops. It is hypothesized that, with enough spooky memes, total travesty could be marrowly avoided.

Bones rattling and teeth chattering, Skelly Bois across the world are welcoming the newest recruits and training them right up in all the latest styles of Taekwon-bone and Femur-ous fighting.

As calcium-clad warriors seek their avengement, this Spooky Season is shaping up to be nothing short of a bone-a-fide nightmare.

A Shrekcellent way to deal with stress

It is here that they worship none other than “Shrek.” Every member must show up with a red flower bearing blue thorns as a symbolic offering.

SA seeks student input on reservation space shortage

The end of the semester is always packed with performances by student organizations and academic departments alike. Due to the…

URMSD Spectrum hosts drag benefit show

Performers interacted with the students running off the flimsy stage avoiding near-death with heels catching on the stairs of the stage.