Hello? Hello? Is it on?

Yes? Oh hi, sweetie, you’re here! You can hear us, right? Sorry, you’re going to need to turn your computer up. Your father’s hearing is shot, you know.

Phil! Phil, get in here, your son’s on the computer! Yeah, right now. I’m calling him on the line. Sorry, I know, I know. He’s on the Facechat, honey!

Sweetie, you look so tired. Are you getting sick? How many times a day are you eating? You know, I read that if you don’t get at least three meals a day, you’ll start experiencing a receding hairline. You don’t want to be bald now, do you?

No, I know you’re eating plenty of food, but you sound so tired and groggy. You’re sleeping nine to 10 hours a night, right?

Don’t answer that. I don’t want to know.

Anyways, we’ve got big news here! The family of rabbits that was living in the garden is growing bigger and bigger every day. I think the ones you saw this summer all have kids now! Yeah, you probably haven’t seen them since the summer, since that’s the last time you came home. Maybe you can make it out next weekend?

Yes, of course I know you’re busy, but how busy? Too busy to see your old Mommy and Daddy, who miss their baby so, so much?

Alright, Phil, I’ll leave him alone. He’s just looking so old and different every time we see him. I mean, look at that beard! How are you growing beards so fast? Are you running out of shaving cream? Razors? Do you need more toiletries?

I’m sending you a box right now. No, no, it’s no problem. We have that Amazon Premium—sorry Prime—now. I’ll just send it to you right after our call.

Phil, stop! Don’t open another app, or we’ll lose him! No, Mrs. Darren said you can’t have more than three apps going on the computer, or the internets will freeze up, and you’ll lose your call. That’s why her son John always loses her on Skip. Skype—sorry, I know.

Don’t worry, sweetie. We’re going to send the box right after this chat. What’s new with you, anyway? Aunt Claire said she saw a picture of you on Facebook at some house, and it looked like a party! Are you being careful?

Remember, if you didn’t pour something yourself, anybody could put something in it. Oh God, now I’m all worried again.

You’re not walking around campus at night, right? You are? Well, how many people are you with? That’s good, you should never be walking with fewer than six people in a group.

What’s that? You have to get to class? I thought you didn’t have classes on Fridays.

Oh, no problem, we’ll talk to you really soon, hopefully. We love you! Bye, honey!



5 students banned from campus for Gaza solidarity encampment

UR has been banning community members from campus since November for on-campus protests, but the first bans for current students were issued this weekend.

Furries on UR campus?

A few months ago, as I did my daily walk to class through the tunnels to escape the February cold,…

Time unfortunately still a circle

Ever since the invention of the wheel, humanity’s been blessed with one terrible curse: the realization that all things are, in fact, cyclical.