Hello, again! My name is Pete, and somehow I’m still the CT’s Senior Slogan Debunker. I’ve been tasked with assessing the logic behind some popular slogans, so let’s see how they hold up.

Wendy’s: “Where’s the beef?”

I don’t know. Maybe you should tell me. I make the effort to go to Wendy’s, and you guys don’t know where your beef is? How can you be a fast food restaurant and run out of beef? That’s my beef. That’d be like if you were experiencing a medical emergency, and the ambulance driver turned to you and asked, “Where’s the hospital?”

Domino’s: “You’ve got 30 minutes.”

I’m probably already in a poor state of mind if I’m ordering Domino’s, and your response is to give me an ultimatum. And what does this even mean? Thirty minutes? To live? If I had 30 minutes to live, the last thing I’d do was go to a Domino’s. If I had 30 minutes to live… I probably just finished up a Big Mac from McDonald’s.

McDonald’s: “You deserve a break today… at McDonald’s.”

Try telling the people who work there that. They’re getting worn out and it’s affecting their efficiency. The last time I ordered apple slices, I opened up my bag to find a chopped-up iPhone.

Jack in the Box: “We don’t make it until you order it.”

Yeah, and I can’t eat it until you give it to me. I could have told you that based off of the line at the drive-thru. How long does it take to cook a hamburger? Are you raising the cow in the back?

Taco Bell: “Think outside the bun.”

A bit hypocritical coming from a restaurant that puts its meat inside the shell. It’s been done before. I have a great new idea for you, Taco Bell. Step one, take a taco. Step two, remove the meat. Step three, close down the Taco Bell chain.

Burger King: “It takes two hands to hold a Whopper.”

And only one hand to throw it into the trash.

Domino’s: “Get the door. It’s Domino’s.”

Domino’s is really shooting itself in the foot with these slogans. And that’s probably why the delivery guy took forever to get me my pizza. I get it, the slogan mentioned previously was in reference to delivery, and so is this one. But when I think of getting the door, I think of rushing to it to make sure it’s locked. It’s like the beginning of a horror movie. You have your friends over for a party when someone suggests ordering cheesy breadsticks, so you decide to order from Domino’s. The doorbell rings, and you see it’s the delivery guy. Everyone turns for you to answer the door. You do. The delivery guy looks at you. He hands over the box of cheesy breadsticks, you hand him the money. You close and lock the door and return to your friends, who are gazing at you, amazed by your courage. Just as it appears that you’re in the clear, you open up the breadsticks box just to see that the delivery guy forgot the marinara sauce, again.

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