We’re all scared of rejection. No one wants to be told they aren’t good enough.
But in reality, that’s not what it is. Most people are flattered when they’re flirted with or asked on a date, and they don’t want to humiliate you. Even when they react with a defensive, “I have a boyfriend,” or “I’m not interested,” their response is more focused on being straightforward rather than expressing their distaste for you.
In the end, rejection is nothing to fear because there are many reasons a person may say no to a date or hookup request, none of which indicate that you are in any way worthless or disgusting. So, get those fearful, self-hating thoughts out of your head and remind yourself of all these perfectly plausible reasons why someone may not be interested in you.
1. They are distracted by an infatuation for someone else.
This one does kind of hurt in a, “Why not me?” kind of way. But sometimes when you’re crushing you just can’t see anyone else, even someone who might be good for you. Be forgiving and be patient.
2. They’re monogamous with someone else.
They have a steady hookup or a significant other. You aren’t unsuitable, they’re just unavailable. Additionally, you are not inferior to their significant other, they are just already committed and emotionally invested.
3. You have different political or religious beliefs.
They’re looking for something serious and they care deeply about their beliefs. Maybe you’re an atheist and they’re devout; or maybe you’re a Patriots fan and they’re a fan of literally any other team. Regardless, you might be kind and interesting and otherwise wonderful, but they need your beliefs to be compatible with theirs.
4. They aren’t attracted to your gender.
The person you approached may not have a sexual or gender identity that lines up with yours. In which case, they simply aren’t attracted to your gender or presentation. Remember though, they don’t have to inform you that this is their reason for rejecting you in order for it to be true.
5. They don’t want to date anyone right now.
Maybe they just got out of a relationship, or they just don’t want to feel tied down. Either way, when they reject you it’s just about how they want to live their lives, and not about you.
6. They don’t like to hook up.
Lots of people prefer to get their intimacy within a committed, monogamous relationship. You wouldn’t want them to do something they don’t want to do, anyway. Also, remember that though they may have hooked up with other people in the past, it doesn’t mean they haven’t changed their mind about wanting to do so.
7. They are too busy.
We’re all busy people. The person who rejects you might like you, but also know that they don’t have the time to get to know you or treat you right. If anything, it’s a sign of respect that they don’t want to lead you on.
8. They don’t share many of your interests.
You’re nice, you’re smart, you’re respectable, but you two have nothing in common. You’re a gym rat and they play a lot of League of Legends; you like watching sports and they like TV dramas. This won’t stop everyone, but some people need to feel a connection before they feel excited about you. And if they’re not excited, they don’t say yes.
9. Their best friend is into you.
You might be totally great, but that doesn’t matter if you’re off-limits. It’s unlucky, and it won’t necessarily stop everyone, but for for many people, loyalty to their friends’ wishes is more important than romantic pursuit.
10. They are asexual and/or aromantic.
Not everyone craves sex, and not everyone craves a romantic relationship. It’s not about convincing them that you are worth it. You could be Prince Charming, you could be Kim Kardashian; but, that’s not what they want. Respect that.
Keep all these possibilities in mind. Each one of them is a reason why rejection isn’t something to be ashamed of. Also, be careful not to think that because someone has a reason to reject you, they are obligated to share that reason with you. Many of these reasons can be deeply personal, and it is perfectly acceptable for people to keep them to themselves.
So, go on, feel empowered, and don’t let fear of rejection stop you from anything!
Armstrong is a member of the class of 2016.
