I’ve been thinking about something lately…what is so funny about cheesecake? Nothing, really. I didn’t know what to write about for this week’s article, so I asked for a random word. Sophomore Dani Douglas said, “Cheesecake.” So, that is what I’m going to write about. I always found it odd how cheesecake came about. Many people believe that for most new things that are created, they happen as a result of minor, seemingly insignificant errors. I wonder how cheesecake was invented. A typical cheesecake consists of cheese, eggs and sugar with a base made from either pastry or sponge cake. As far as the toppings, the possibilities are endless. Fruit, whipped cream, nuts, chocolate syrup you name it. Just put it on cheesecake, and odds are it’s going to taste amazing. But, back to my original thought. I could see the first cheesecake being made as a practical joke.

Imagine, a guy has the urge to play a prank on his friend. His friend loves cake. So, he decides to bake a cake where the filling is made of cheese instead of the typical vanilla sponge. Everybody in on the prank is sitting at a table, or wherever people back in the day ate their cakes, and they present him the cake. He takes a bite and looks up in shock. Everybody looks at him awaiting his response. He exclaims, “this is the best thing I have ever tasted.” Everybody proceeds to take bites of this creation. The prank backfired, but an amazing thing was created in the process. Honestly, who thinks to mix cheese, eggs and sugar together and then bake it in an oven? As an editor for the humor section, we are required to make sure the pages are filled, so please excuse me for the incoherent babble that is about to ensue.

I’m the type of guy that likes a good cheesecake. I don’t snack or eat dessert often, but when I do, I like to regret it. If I’m going to eat unhealthily, I’m going to consume a lot at one time. Cheesecake is heavy and filling. What makes cheesecake great is that it is multi-faceted. Dealing with a breakup? Eat cheesecake. Failed a test? Grab a slice of cheesecake. Passed a test? Celebrate with some cheesecake. There are so many situations where cheesecake is relevant. Whether you are sad, mad, happy or glad, cheesecake is there. Whether you are mourning the death of your gerbil or commemorating George Bush’s contributions to the World Peace Movement, cheesecake.

What else can I say about cheesecake? Glad you asked. Remember in health class when your teacher would show you the food pyramid? I’ve always thought that it was extremely flawed. How do you expect people to constantly maintain those suggested proportions? Depending on the situation, the pyramid should be able to change. For example, you break up with your girlfriend or boyfriend and are a complete mess. You’re telling me that I have to make sure to eat my veggies and fruits for that day? Forget that! I would rather binge-eat some freakin’ cheesecake, watch “Project Runway” and feel better, than eat fruits and veggies and sit in a corner bawling my eyes out. The choice is obvious. I guess what I’m trying to get at is that the food pyramid recommended by the government does not account for people’s emotional states. I personally believe that, in times of crisis and struggle, cheesecake should represent at least 70% of people’s diets.

With the knowledge that I’ve generously bestowed upon you while you read this, the only natural thing to do is find your nearest cheesecake provider and grab a slice.

Chiodo is a member of
the class of 2017.

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