Dreams were shattered. Hopes were dashed.

This week, thousands of students jockeyed for spots in the housing lottery. Random times were given to students to sign up for housing next year.

Of course, there were “minor problems” (according to ResLife) with the lottery this year. Among other issues, the entire (rising) sophomore class was locked out of housing as a result of high demand for on-campus housing. As a result, Shantytowns, or “Joelvilles,” have preemptively popped up as a primary option on many sophomores’ housing choices.

The largest Joelvilles will be placed on the banks of the Genesee River, “a potentially prosperous post-lottery site,” according to UR President Joel Seligman. Seligman is most well known for stating in a 2010 speech, entitled on YouTube as “Financial Regulation Public Forum: President Joel Seligman” that “I feel a little bit like a spy…in the house of love.”

The Joelvilles will be made of “tents of prosperity.” Not only will they have glow-in-the-dark pictures of Seligman, but they will form in “doge-shaped clusters” along the banks of the Genesee and in the middle  of  the Residence Quad.

Seligman is confident that the lottery will work itself out. “I’m still a spy…only this time, the house[s] of love [are] being occupied by the students of our collective past, present and future. Meliora.”

Schaffer is a member of the class of 2016.

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