On Monday, UR Freshman Joe Smith left food service workers and students in awe as he coolly ordered a Greek chicken pita from the Common Grill. Sources say Smith’s impressive command of the social situation stemmed from the fact that he was listening to music through his earbuds while placing his order.

“He just exuded confidence and social awareness,” reports an anonymous Pit worker, “and he wasn’t cagey at all when I had to ask him for the third time if he wanted tzatziki sauce.”

Smith has left UR musing over what he could have been listening to when he placed the order. “It was probably something really cutting edge, like The Strokes or Jet. Joe listens to obscure music like that,” said Smith’s friend Andrew Webster, who was sending a snapchat before Smith commanded the food court’s attention. “Who knows, really. It all happened so fast before he took off, like a majestic bird of flight.” 

Webster reports that as Smith made his way toward the cashier to swipe his declining, he didn’t have to awkwardly sidestep his way around anyone. Webster adds, “Those earbuds really gave him the air of control. He was just so cognizant of his surroundings.”

Insider sources indicate that Smith could make his next appearance at The Pit wearing over-the-ear headphones.

Howard is a member of the class of 2017.



Displaced students weigh in on renters insurance debate

The reality is that floods like the one in Brooks Crossings are random accidents that occur once in a while, and many students were not prepared for an accident of this sort and thus uninsured.

SA and Rochester Youth Year showcase efforts at the Community Engagement Fair

“We wanted to facilitate one-to-one contact, and it’s just good to know that people are out here doing the work,” said Witkin.

Birding club takes flight

Birding Club has realized what the vast majority of onlookers have known for quite some time: These birds are fucking lame.