Cheryl Seligman, Features Editor

While Meliora Weekend 2012 is not in the near future, plans for the festivities are already well underway. In the past, UR has brought in many well-known names for the biggest events, from Anderson Cooper to Bill Clinton. There have also been a number of great concerts and events around campus that are enjoyable for students and alumni alike.

This year the administration plans to do something different for the weekend, for the events will be geared toward a specific theme: Star Wars. So what does this mean for Meliora Weekend? To honor the historic events detailed in Star Wars, UR has decided to bring the heroes and villains themselves from the tale to our campus.

For example, R2D2 and C-3PO will perform in a collaborative concert to show off their incredible musical talents. They will sing their two new hit singles, “The Death Star that Got Away” featuring Luke Skywalker and “What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You a Sith Lord.” C-3PO will also perform a song from his recent album called “It’s Dry Day!” referring to his desert-like hometown, Tatooine.

This year’s comedian will be none other than Darth Vadar himself. And let me tell you, that man knows how to move an audience, especially when he uses the Force. Vadar has been growing in popularity with his jokes in the past few millennia. He has already started preparing for his big show at UR and is looking forward to impressing a college crowd.

His jokes might be a bit morbid since he has killed many people and lost the love of his life at a very young age, but look at it this way: If you don’t laugh, you probably won’t make it out of the auditorium alive.

There will be many other activities during this year’s Meliora Weekend as well, such as a laser tag tournament with real lasers. Note: Please be ready to sign a waiver saying that the Republic is not responsible for any burns, broken body parts or deaths. Free light sabers will be available.

Yoda will also be in attendance to tell your fortune. The best part is that he won’t even need a crystal ball, so you’ll be able to tell that this Jedi is the real deal. Ewoks will be there as well to cuddle with you and play games. Princess Leia will come in her gold bikini, but men should be warned that if they try to hit on her, Jabba the Hutt will sit on them. Then Han Solo will beat them up.

But who will be the keynote speaker? This year, someone without whom the Star Wars trilogies would not be so near and dear to our hearts will take the stage. He is the person who made the movies as brilliant as they could possibly be, and he put all his effort into creating this timeless tale.

He is none other than Chewbacca. He will tell us what it meant to him to have history made into a movie and what it was like to work with best friend Han Solo. He will also detail his experiences during the war and how he felt when he found out that Darth Vadar had returned from the dead as a comedian. Star Wars Creator George Lucas will translate Chewbacca’s wails to the audience. Lucas will do nothing more than that.

With all of the guests and events nearly finalized, it is no doubt that this Meliora Weekend will be an unforgettable part of 2012.

Panda is a member of the class of 2014.

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