Neil Janowitz ’04 was a former editor for the Campus Times. He will be arriving on campus to hang out with the fine students of this university for Meliora Weekend. As a prominent grown-up with a real job in the real world, Neil will be making appearances at such events as the Student Alumni Networking Night, where he will espouse his tales of glory as an ESPN Magazine writer to wide-eyed, undergraduate wannabes.
Of course, times have changed since Neil’s graduation in 2004. In order to cope, Neil has compiled a list of necessities he will need to adjust to the modern world of UR.
My triumphant return to Rochester is nearly come. As of Thursday evening, the band will be reunited: me on lead guitar and vox and the unusually dexterous UR holding down the rhythm section.
Our opening number will be the networking night, during which I will guide future unemployed journalists through the perfectly stormy waters of their desired trade.
After that ditty wraps up, and UR and I are sufficiently loose, we’ll break into a weekend-long jam. But in order for this once-in-a-half-decade event to go off without a hitch, I need to be assured that certain requirements are fulfilled.
You can call it my alumni weekend rider, if you’re inclined to refer to things by their actual names. In no particular order:
1. Douglass needs to offer cedar plank salmon from Friday morning through Sunday evening.
During the same span, there should be a sophomore stationed by the cashiers with instructions to pay for my meal using his or her extra Flex, Blocks, ARAMARK Marks or whatever you call your overpriced meal plan currency these days.
2. The second single in Anderson 410 should be restored to the exact floorplan I laid out when I resided there freshman year. An older friend once told me it was the best use of space he’d ever seen in a Towers single. Such efficiency needs to be shared with the world.
But cordon it off.
3. The fir tree located eight trees back from the Sue B. roundabout sidewalk and six trees in from Library Lot appears sickly. Check it for Armillaria root and treat as necessary. I loved that tree. I still love that tree.
As you can see, I’m a man of simple needs. I look forward to having these requests expeditiously fulfilled, thereby freeing me to fully devote my metaphorical musical faculties to finger-picking out an infectious melody during my three-day masterclass.
Bootlegging is encouraged.
Roch and roll,
Janowitz graduated in 2004.