Let’s talk about public sex. OK, I don’t really mean public sex. That would imply that you’re going to set yourself up on top of the meridian on Eastman Quad on the first sunny day of spring and go at it for all the lovely-weather loungers to see. ‘Public sex” usually has an audience. But because it also happens to be rather illegal, that’s probably something we would want to avoid.

If you want to have sex in a public place, the first concern is to try not to get caught. A lot of people have fantasies about sex in the open because there is that element of risk. What if someone sees you?

It’s an extra, exhilirating thrill, and lots of people are looking for ways to add that to their love lives. In reality, though, having public sex that intrudes on others enough for them to notice is sexual harassment, and not to mention totally rude.

If you do really want to have sex in public, wear clothes that you can leave on while you’re doing the deed. If you have to scramble to dress if someone walks in, your illicit activities will be really obvious.

Skirts, especially loose or stretchy ones, are good for getting out of this potentially awkward situation. While guys can’t often get away with kilts in our modern-day society, sweat pants that can be quickly pulled up and down as needed can do the trick.

Wearing clothes that conceal your naked bodies while you’re doing the nasty helps keep unwitting and unconsenting strangers from being exposed to the sight of your naked bodies in mid-coitus.

As sexy as you may think you are, you never know if someone else is going to agree with you or want to see you naked. Try not to scar anyone for life. Keep an eye and an ear out for possible interlopers. This heightened sense of your surroundings is half the point! Try to use the risk of discovery as a turn on rather than a paranoia-inducing stressor.

If it’s making you that nervous, skip it and go back to your dorm. Being on the lookout can be distracting from the fun, but if you’re too caught up in the moment and don’t hear someone coming, you’re in for an awkward moment at best and an unpleasant confrontation at worst.

If you’re careful about discovery and maintain a healthy sense of what people are willing to see when they’re wandering innocently around school, there are lots of interesting places on campus to have sex.

The first and most popular is in the stacks. If you’ve ever gone up to the 500m floor at any time of year other than finals week, you have probably found people who were doing anything but studying.

Because there aren’t many books up there, it is a perfect location to have some racy sex without too much fear of being discovered. It’s a bit chilly, but it’s one of those ‘Things I Did In College” that you can tell your grandkids stories about.

Lots of people want to have sex outdoors, maybe in GVP (watch out for city police!) or on some of the beautiful grounds of our campus.

I’d recommend finding a very secluded area and covering yourselves with a blanket. The goal is to have as much fun as possible while causing the least possible trauma to a passer-by.

I wouldn’t do this in the winter, though, as genital frost bite might be kind of hard to explain in the emergency room.

If you want to fool around in a more highly trafficked area like the kitchen, lounge or laundry room of your dorm, I’d recommend sticking to making out or heavy petting. It’s definitely awkward to be caught with your hand up someone’s shirt or in someone’s pants, but it’s not nearly as bad as intercourse.

The rules of thumb are to be careful, be respectful and have fun!

Waddill is a member of the class of 2009.

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