Aries (March 21-April 19) – Dating a girl with contact lenses sure comes in handy when you forget a condom!

Taurus (April 20-May 20) – If Obama doesn’t step up his campaigning, the White House might be seeing four more years of Bush after all!

Gemini (May 21-June 21) – When looking back over your college years, would you rather remember not going out to study or not remember going out to party?

Cancer (June 22-July 22) – Unfortunately for you, Gleason Library is reserved only for students taking their courses Pass/Fail.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) – After telling your story from the previous evening, your one-upping friend will mention how he used to seventy with the same girl.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) – When she hands you your new baby brother, its best not to shake what your momma gave you.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) – Security officers have to babysit the Fraternity Quad on weekends, but once they call RPD, you know the parents are coming home.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) – As you watch the news from California, you can’t help but enjoy the light pitter patter of the Rochester rain.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) – If dating a fellow classmate, have her sit in the back with you. She can always copy the notes from you later anyway!

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) – While watching a female sports team practice, you’ll find it odd that some of the athletes could perform no-handed push ups?

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) – The best way to add animation to your Powerpoint presentation is to go without a bra!

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) – When the first flakes of snow fell, you swear you heard a collective sigh rise from the River Campus.

(If you actually believe this, then you believe he’s working late.)

Spies with occult ties? Russian professor stirs controversy amongst colleagues

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Notes by Nadia: Can money buy happiness?

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The better CDCS: Melcourses

Melcourses allows students to search and schedule courses, organize selected sections, and identify time conflicts in preparation for the next semester.