Aries (March 21-April 19) – Dating a girl with contact lenses sure comes in handy when you forget a condom!
Taurus (April 20-May 20) – If Obama doesn’t step up his campaigning, the White House might be seeing four more years of Bush after all!
Gemini (May 21-June 21) – When looking back over your college years, would you rather remember not going out to study or not remember going out to party?
Cancer (June 22-July 22) – Unfortunately for you, Gleason Library is reserved only for students taking their courses Pass/Fail.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) – After telling your story from the previous evening, your one-upping friend will mention how he used to seventy with the same girl.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) – When she hands you your new baby brother, its best not to shake what your momma gave you.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) – Security officers have to babysit the Fraternity Quad on weekends, but once they call RPD, you know the parents are coming home.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) – As you watch the news from California, you can’t help but enjoy the light pitter patter of the Rochester rain.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) – If dating a fellow classmate, have her sit in the back with you. She can always copy the notes from you later anyway!
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) – While watching a female sports team practice, you’ll find it odd that some of the athletes could perform no-handed push ups?
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) – The best way to add animation to your Powerpoint presentation is to go without a bra!
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) – When the first flakes of snow fell, you swear you heard a collective sigh rise from the River Campus.
(If you actually believe this, then you believe he’s working late.)
