If Che Guevara was born 50 years later and got any percentage of t-shirt sales, he probably wouldn’t have been executed in Bolivia. Instead, he probably would have been chilling out at L.A. clubs, starring in a sitcom on NBC that failed three episodes later, having a random fling with Reese Witherspoon, later being pulled over for a DUI, which would cause him to fall out of grace with the modern American family, then slipping back into grace by playing the all-too-fantastic religion card and, finally, receiving third place on “Dancing with the Stars.” But that’s somewhat beside the point. For some reason, anarchy and rebellion always have been cool. Who didn’t admire Arthur Fonzarelli or the Zombie Mr. Rogers when they were a teen? But the reasons for why insubordination is just straight up fun is up for the courts to decide – or just me. Since lawyers are expensive and judges no longer wear those cool, massive, curly wigs anymore, I’ll go with me.
Let’s get real – no one wants to be like everyone else. To think that would mean such revolutionists such as Chef Tony (inventor of the Miracle Blade, as seen on TV) and Some Douchebag (inventor of the “sense” of “decency”) would never have existed. Instead, we would all be sitting around talking about how “Everybody Loves Raymond” is so much like our lives (which it is! That show is the best thing to hit society since chlamydia and death!). But revolting against the mainstream is an easy way to be unique. Next time you make a waffle, try it with sugar and butter. Or hey, try pouring maple syrup down your pants for business and not for pleasure.
The group aspect of uprising is an appealing one as well. To take up a cause against the majority can instantly unite any mass of defiant soldiers. And who doesn’t want the company of rowdy chums? If you had a group of people riding your disobedient coattails around snapping their fingers all day “West Side Story” style, everyone would love you. Hey, it worked for the Keebler Elves, didn’t it?
Coordinating clothes can be tacky sometimes, but it can also be awesome. Being rebellious in numbers can definitely give you an excuse to don coordinated uniforms, which is always a plus. And, a bizarre-colored beret is something that everyone can enjoy. Especially French people.
It’s fun to make people angry, too. Nothing works better than a hefty rip of the mutinous pipe to really get someone’s gonads! Of course, obstinacy doesn’t always get the anger you want. One minute you’re in the kitchen screaming at your mother, the next you’re in a truck stop five years later wearing a “Baby on Board” shirt and swearing you’re Bruce Lee’s twin’s anesthesiologist. If I’ve seen it once, I’ve seen it a thousand times.
I know not everyone can be rebellious. Yet, the modern attraction to the rebellious is definitely no secret. And chicks dig rebels, track lighting and daffodils – or so I’m told. But hey, if you follow every rule, it’ll make me look more badass as I recklessly drive in the left lane to prove to the man that England’s got it right. Viv Brittania!
Stahl is a member of the class of 2009.
