Hello again, dear readers, to Life, Love… Sport (Anti-Cinderella Edition).
Welcome back after a long break. Now that the NCAA tournament has run its course, I think we can safely say that it has been one of the most boring on record. Sure there were overtime games, and sure some semi-low seeds have made it far, and sure my bracket held up ’til the Elite Eight, but let’s be realistic, the games went along as if they were scripted. I like Ohio State as much as the next guy, but winning back to back games having to come back from behind? Down by 20 with a half to play and still win? It reeks. As the great Terrell Owens said, “If it looks like a rat, and smells like a rat, by golly, it’s a rat.”
Meanwhile, in the world of professional pigskin tossing, it seems as though Pacman Jones will be cut and suspended for a long time. While the LLS is all for professionalism in the sport of football, it seems to me that perhaps the league might want to wait and see if he is ever convicted of any crimes before they start banning a good player like Pacman from the game. After all, of his 10 run-ins with the law, the human video game has never been found guilty of anything.
So my advice to the owners would be to go after Tank Johnson, he of the four-month prison sentence, suspend him and make an example of him.
Baseball season is about to start soon. That means I get to make fun of Charlie, our Features Editor, a nice guy but a misguided Yankees fan. How do you like Carl Pavano now? Also, I am looking forward to seeing Daisuke Matsuzaka pitch in Fenway this summer. Wouldn’t it be great if Pavano and Matsuzaka faced each other one day? Anyone want to place bets on who would win that match-up? I got $20 on Dice-K. Other compelling yet less interesting stories include whether or not Gary Matthews Jr. will actually be in baseball by July. I say no. Also, what are the odds that Bud Selig will pay off some two-bit criminal to “accidentally” take a lead pipe to Barry Bonds’ knees? 3-1 sounds about right.
The list this week concerns gambling on sports, not that the LLS encourages people to gamble, but if it happens to be the best way of making money, we say go for it. Here are the odds of each Final Four team winning the national championship game. Which reminds me, why is it that a spot in the Final Four seems to be more esteemed than winning the whole thing? For example, you always hear coaches saying “It is our goal to make it to the Final Four” as if winning a championship isn’t nearly as exciting. Only in America would a fourth place finish be celebrated.
Florida – Been there, done that. I don’t even think they want to win. And frankly, who could blame them? They don’t really need to win anything; they’re just playing for kicks and giggles. Plus they’ve got possibly the third most talented team left anyways. Odds of winning: 10-1.
UCLA – Man, did they pick bad years to be good or what? This just isn’t fair. Not only is their sense of timing off, but they’ve got to play a team that destroyed them last year. Three years ago they could’ve totally won this thing. Which reminds me, who won three years ago? Odds of winning: 8-1.
Georgetown – Ok, let me point something out to you nitwits who picked this team. They’re not very good. They almost lost to Boston College, needed a semi-miracle/terrible officials to beat Vanderbilt (my sleeper pick for all of you who read the March Madness Preview) and caught North Carolina at their weakest moment. The point is they don’t deserve to be here. Nothing you say will change my mind. Odds of winning: not so good.
Ohio State – Well done Greg Oden, well done indeed. Although, it’s still kind of creepy that he makes a game-saving play and there is absolutely no reaction. Creepier still is that he looks like a 50-year-old man. Please, someone check to make sure he’s 18. There hasn’t been this much controversy about someone’s age since Danny Almonte started throwing 85 mph at a little league game. Apparently Almonte is 19 and happily married to a 30-year-old Puerto Rican woman. But I digress. Odds of winning: 6-1.
The only father and son to hit back-to-back home runs in a major league baseball game: Ken Griffey, Jr., and his father, Ken Griffey, Sr., both of the Seattle Mariners in a game against the California Angels on Sept.14, 1990.
Maystrovsky’s article appears weekly. Maystrovsky is a member of the class of 2009.