Welcome to another edition of Life, Love?Sport (Godly Edition) where we will talk about everything from A-Rod showing yet again why God is a Red Sox fan, an update on our beloved Missouri Tigers, the implications of the Oakland Raiders losing and everything in between,
We start, ladies and gentlemen with the performance of our most beloved third baseman and resident whine-bag, Alex Rodriguez. After enduring yet another painful postseason performance and getting demoted to eighth in the batting order, the usual spot for the likes of Mark Bellhorn, it is time for the Yankees to reconsider their massive investment in slugging (except in the postseason), Gold Glove winning (when no one is looking) third baseman. The LLS tends to lean heavily toward the Red Sox in the Rivalry That Has Engulfed the Country, thus one can picture our delight when A-Rod struggles.
Missouri is now 6-0 and officially bowl eligible! Which means that the LLS is already making travel plans to see the Monsters of the Midwest play in late December, possibly even early January.
With two more easily winnable games before the meat of the schedule, Missouri is looking like a sure lock to get to a big bowl game for the first time since this writer started to care about college football.
Meanwhile, it took a full month, but finally a major upset has occurred. The LLS is a big fan of the major upset, it makes football experts look short-sighted and rather dumb in front of the cameras, plus the student section of the underdog always manages to somehow overwhelm an entire security force to pull down the goalposts (and someone always gets hurt, but who cares? Even the kid who is hurt is laughing on the stretcher).
So in the same vein, lets rank the potential upsets that Life, Love?Sport want to see: 1. Temple 31 Penn State 30. This would qualify as the biggest upset in sport history, mainly because Temple sucks. Flat out blows. There are really no other words to describe them.
Also, it would validate my point in an earlier edition about the value of the extra point not to mention that the entire state of Pennsylvania might have a collective coronary and we might get rid of those crazy Philly fans once and for all. 2. Army 21 Notre Dame 17. Not that Army has been particularly bad, but let’s be honest with each other, they’re not a very good team. It would certainly qualify as a massive upset, and deal a blow to the Irish hopes of a BCS bowl as well as Brady Quinn’s Heisman hopes and perhaps even his draft stock.
We move now to the Oakland Raiders, poised for a historic season of the worst kind. They could be the first team in history of the league to go 0-16. Granted, there the scheduling gods did give them a break, with Houston and Arizona visiting the McAfee Coliseum. But if they manage to lose those games, prepare yourself for Armageddon.
It shouldn’t be this way. They went out and traded for Randy Moss, a slightly deranged man, but a superb football player, got a new coach, got a new quarterback and revamped their defense. Now, Aaron Brooks is a backup (something he should’ve been all along), Randy Moss might not last the season without running someone over with his car again, the defense plays like a broken sponge and Art Shell can’t seem to understand what’s happening on the field. Relish this sight while you can, it might never be achieved in our lifetimes.
Pretty soon, LeBron James comes courtside to an arena near you! Entering his fourth season, he might be the only player who had fulfilled the incredible expectations when he entered the league. While LLS doubts that anyone can transcend what Michael Jordan has done for the NBA during his illustrious career, LeBron James looks to redefine what basketball is for the younger generation and achieve God-like status of his own (if he hasn’t already).
On a more somber note, LLS would like to pay its respects to Yankees pitcher Cory Lidle, who died in a plane crash Wednesday afternoon. Anytime an athlete has his career cut short, it is a tragedy. No matter what your sport affiliation, as human beings we should all mourn such a shocking and tragic loss.
Final Fact:
A forfeited game in baseball is recorded as a 9-0 score. In football, it is recorded as a 1-0 score.
Maystrovsky’s column appears weekly. He can be reached at maystrovsky@campustimes.org.
