Horoscope

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) – You might get sick this week, so be sure to take care of yourself. A steady diet of fortune cookies and O’Doul’s non-alcoholic beer is the best way to fend off all kinds of bacterial and viral infections.Aries (March 21-April 19) – Convince your buddy to go to Las Vegas and wear a really heavy winter coat.Taurus (April 20-May 20) – Do not feel pressured to make any more friends or that you don’t have enough. I do not have any. That is why I have time to harness my magical powers and tell everyone about their future. I live in a van down by the river. Please stop by.Gemini (May 21-June 21) – Invent a new meaning for the word “meliora.” Either that or tell me what the current one is.Cancer (June 22-July 22) – No matter how dark it may seem around you, there is always a guiding light and someone to hold on to. Do not ever forget this. You cannot do everything by yourself.Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) – Do all of your work and hand it in on time, unless you are in one of my classes. Then, never do anything and keep on bringing down the curve.Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) – Buy a really heavy winter coat – need I go any further? You will have good luck this week, but still do not go to Vegas.Libra (Sept. 23-Oct . 22) – Get off campus a little bit this year. There is more to Rochester than just nothing – I swear that there is.Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) – Someone you know is lying to you, but I will not tell you who it is or what it’s about. Here is the deeper message – never lie to yourself. You know what you want – now go out there and get it!Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec 21) – Singing in the shower will help you to relax your mind, body, spirit and vocal cords. It will also get you to take a shower. Try this seven times a week.Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) – You are made from fresh oranges, and your body is 60 percent water. Imagine the possibilities.Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) – Try not to develop any addictions to rice paper and calligraphy. Although quite visually pleasing, you may end up in a whirlwind of characters with nothing to hold on to. Rice paper does not have any handles.(If you actually believe this, you probably ate too many of the miniature “shrimps” that Danforth Dining Center served at the extremely overpriced Steak and Shrimp Dinner on Tuesday night. The cheese was good.)