I feel like a loser. No matter how hard I try, I can’t give my girlfriend an orgasm. We have tried all sorts of positions, even her on top. Nothing works, she just lies there bored. What can I do?~Mourning in Morgan
Dear Mourning,It could be worse. You could be unable to have sex. Just kidding! The lack of ‘O’ is a serious problem for tons of couples, but just like most sexual problems there are some ‘handy’ solutions.Just be a little flexible, in all those dirty ways you are thinking. Ask her how she feels, what makes her comfortable. It may be something as simple as the lights off. Or maybe that bite thing you do isn’t so cute. Take the criticism in stride, it’s all for the ohhhhhhh so fabulous goal of her satisfaction. Don’t argue – just ask for clarification. Better yet, ask her to show you. A little game of mutual masturbation could be fun for all.If all the extraneous problems are eliminated, and she still can’t hit the highest peak, then some alternative pleasing practices are in order. No one refuses a little cunnilingus every now and then. Many, many, many women cannot have an orgasm from traditional sex, that being penis in the vagina. Some prefer a little tongue on the clit to stimulate their inner engines. Not only will this be a more direct method – by hitting the spot – but also in the more gentle nature of the tongue as compared to the pelvis.Others may ask for hand stimulation, or for no hands at all. Put a little back up generator in your sex life with a vibrator. It doesn’t make you less of a man, just a better partner to be open to her needs. You can also be flexible in mixing it up. It doesn’t have to be all tongue, all 69, all traditional or all hand. Try taking it as it “comes.” Sometimes if it’s all too planned, it just won’t happen.Last, lessen the pressure. Your girlfriend doesn’t deserve to be treated like a sexual goal. She may well enjoy the pleasure that leads to her almost ‘O.” Besides, no one needs pressure in sex, literally or figuratively. The pressure may actually be creating the problem. If your girlfriend thinks that is all you are waiting for, then you may be waiting for some time, indeed forever. Just have fun. You have to be open to the possibilities. There are plenty of relationships where the O-factor doesn’t play a major role in the sex play. This is okay. You just have to work it out between the two of you. It’s definitely a joint venture. Enjoy the ride, whatever kind it may be.Got a love and relationship question that’s literally, umm…burning? Ask the Love Goddess herself, Robyn Tanner, at email@example.com.