Yesterday I walked out of Gilbert to go to dinner, and a guy with this odd expression on his face came up to me and said “Yo, what’s up!”

I could tell that he was definitely high. I guess the immediate response following that “he’s high” reaction would be to assume that he smoked pot – but do people have to be smoking pot to be high?

A dear friend of mine, who we’ll refer to as X, once told me that she gets orgasms going into a library because there are so many books. Another dear friend of mine from high school used to get string-quartet-rehearsal high – needless to say, that quartet never got to practice much and eventually kicked him out.

When I was a kid I got so excited watching “X-Files” that I ended up missing out on the whole episode and had to watch the rerun, which of course I missed again because I was getting my “X-Files” high. I mean, people get high from all kinds of different things. Psychologically speaking, they’re conditioned to get high at the presence of a certain stimuli – in X’s case, let’s say, her stimuli would be library books and the response is an orgasm.

And if X can get high because of library books, I’m sure there are some other people out there getting high from Hutchison or Rush Rhees Library – and if that’s you, I wish you good luck with your classes and study. Maybe the guy outside of Gilbert was only high because he saw the Quad Office – I mean, you never want to assume too much.

And then, look at your professors, who’re lecturing with all of their energy and with all this passion, and you wonder what is it that keeps this little man with short hair, the short grandma-type-lady, and even the young cute girl, going in their studies? I say, maybe it’s because they get high from their subject. I mean, if you get addicted to pot because you like getting high, then it totally makes sense that someone gets addicted to quantum physics because they get high studying it.

Life doesn’t have to be hard, if you don’t get high looking at the cover of “Twelfth Night,” you’re probably not cut out for researching Shakespeare – don’t use this as an excuse for the F on your report card, though.

Maybe that’s why workaholics often like to snack as they study – they’ve got the munchies! So why is weed illegal while quantum physics isn’t? I don’t get that either – if you have an answer please do tell me. I’m saying, so what if Mozart probably got high writing those Divermentos and Sonatas and Concertos and all, he is still the genius among geniuses! So, my final question is, what should I do if I get high writing this supposedly humorous column? Help!

Wang can be reached at ewang@campustimes.org.



Shrimp fried rice?

Shrimp fried rice: an age-old mystery. Is it fried rice containing shrimp? Or is it fried rice made by shrimp?…

Off Broadway On Campus’ ‘Back in the Game’ sends off their seniors

Off Broadway On Campus (OBOC) had its semesterly show titled “Back In The Game” April 5. While the overarching themes…

Misogyny and bigotry plague the heavy music scene

Bands fronted by people of color, queer folk, and feminine-presenting people have always existed, but because their white, cisgender male counterparts overshadow them, they struggle to find and build a following and are often belittled for their musical skill.