I need to refine my “club strategies,” because the last time I was in a club, I found I could not interact with anyone, and was definitely one rung in the social ladder below everyone else. I just want to meet and dance with some girls, and be myself at the same time. How can I accomplish all this successfully? -Clubbed Out

This question calls for a personal anecdote, and here it is. A couple of weeks ago I was at Centers, a sub-par dance club at High Falls.

The ambience was what would have been expected in a place like Rochester – a mix of middle-aged women, donning permed mullets and tapered jeans, and Nazareth students, drunk off their asses.

What was not expected, other than that random 80-year-old man frolicking in the corner, was what occurred later on that night.

So, I am shaking my bootie with some friends, when suddenly this guy comes over to me and proceeds to spasm and flail. I interpret this weird mating ritual as a style of dancing and reluctantly follow his lead.

As I watch in amazement, he reaches between my legs and squeezes my crotch. You could imagine my outrage as I jumped back about 80 feet and shouted, “Whoa!” That was the end of that.

I still to this day do not know what that guy was thinking. Who knows? Anyway, the moral of the story is don’t grab crotches.

But seriously, the best way to receive genuine reciprocation from prospective girls is to approach them tastefully. Be confident and assertive, but respect their personal space. Most women like to dance at a club, not hump. A polite invitation to dance, accompanied by a smile, is the best strategy.

Also, it helps to introduce yourself and generate some small talk. Dancing is an intimate phenomenon and building rapport with your partner always makes things run more smoothly. If you are at ease and having fun, people will gravitate toward you.

Finally, don’t be discouraged if you are rejected a few times. When people go to clubs and bars, they tend to place a lot of emphasis on physical attractiveness, because that is all they have to go on when making first impressions.

You may or may not fit into the first person’s category of hotness, but you are bound to be the epitome of someone else’s. Don’t stop at your first rejection.

In the same regard, don’t worry if you are not accomplished in the art of movement. I know lots of girls that couldn’t dance to save their lives. They won’t even notice.

In the case that you want to beef up on your two-step for the picky club frequenters, ask one of your skilled friends for a lesson before you hit the club. I’m sure he or she would be delighted to help your cause. -Joan

Got a love or relationship question that’s literally … ummm … burning? Send it to the Love Goddess herself, Joan Knihnicki, at love@campustimes.org.

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