Is cybersex cheating? -Gigabyte Me in Gale

People vary on what they define as infidelity. My answer to this question is not important. However, your partner’s is.

There are those who consider all forms of pornography cheating. They feel that their relationship should be enough to satisfy any urges each partner may have, emotional as well as sexual.

Others are more lenient. Some are even comfortable with their partners calling sex phone operators. They might realize that they cannot handle their partner’s hyperactive sexual drives and feel comfortable pawning off some of the work to paid professionals. They also might be supportive of their partner’s sexual desire for novelty once in a while.

Finally, some couples simply agree to polygamous dating relationships. They may not feel the need for exclusive sexual contact with each other to demonstrate their commitment.

Your obligation is to find out where your partner falls in this continuum. Honesty is a crucial factor in a healthy relationship. If you are open with your fantasies, beliefs and needs, you can’t go wrong. Feeling the need to sneak around behind your partner’s back is not a good sign. You should be able to tell your loved one anything.

And heck, if cybersex turns you on, let your partner know this. If you find that he or she is supportive, you may want to extend the invitation to join in on the experience. Set up the webcam and get busy, let your partner do some of the typing of raunchy messages to that chick in Hong Kong, or have a threesome in a chat room. Sharing fantasies can bring your sexual relationship as well as your emotional relationship to new heights.

If your partner is not receptive, you need to respect his or her needs and concerns. If you are not able do this, there may be something missing in your relationship that you may wish to confront. This is just one area where compatible attitudes and views are important to a relationship. -Joan

Got a love or relationship question that’s literally … umm … burning? Ask the Love Goddess herself, Joan Knihnicki, at

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