It is getting to be that time of year when everyone is annoyed with the university because of homework ? I heard we have the fourth highest workload in the nation! ? or tests or just plain senioritis ? whatever year you may be. To counteract this harmful vibe disseminating campuswide, I thought I would state the top 10 reasons I love the UR.
10. I love the fact that we do not have to worry about diseases and insects that affect tropical climates, i.e. malaria, killer bees, skin cancer.
We will have baby soft skin 20 years from now while all the people that go to UCLA and Emory and Texas A&M will look like Leatherface. That fact alone will increase our hook-up potential dramatically.
9. I love the fact that even though I was almost cut from the non-cut soccer team in high school, there is still a small chance I could play on the soccer team here.
Just to prove how bad I am at soccer, my quote in the yearbook my senior year of high school was, “I will remember staying up many late nights writing papers, but what I will remember most is the time I missed a penalty kick in soccer because I kicked the ball in the wrong direction.”
8. I love the fact that our biggest campus gripes have to do with the workload and the CT. Do we even realize how good we have it? You know what? I feel lucky I get to go to the library every day. You know why? Because there are so many people in this country who do not get that opportunity. I feel sorry for them ? because those are the people that are going to end up working for me. As a side note, did you know the Common Market used to sell t-shirts that said, “I got misquoted in the Campus Times”? I say we bring them back.
7. I love the way the administration uses “UR” in place of “you are.” Not every school can do that. I especially like the administration’s efforts to remind us how unique we are in the form of the UR Special bus that runs on Wednesday and Saturday.
6. I love the fact that I am a regional treasure. If Dean Burgett has taught me anything, it is that I am better than all the kids in my neighborhood who did not come here. We are even better than Harvard kids. At least we should be better ? we do a lot more homework.
5. I love the fact if I mention “Bowling Alone,” everyone knows what I am talking about.
4. I love how the library is the most social place on campus. I can go there any time of the day any day of the week and find at least ten people I know. Well, I suppose we might as well use the 3.5 million volumes we have. It would be wasteful to have books but not use them, right? I mean, I have never bought a book for class and not read it.
3. I love how during the winter the hill behind towers is perpetually icy. It gives me ample opportunity to laugh at people. This is extra important because winter is the flu season, and we all know laughter is the best medicine.
2. I love how the trash collectors make as much noise as possible when they collect trash at 7 a.m. Along those lines, I love how I saw a snowplow hit a parked car and keep on moving.
Haber can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.