Not often do I get the chance to sit back, relax and listen to some good tunes. The hardest thing to find these days is soft and mellow instead of rough and abrasive.

The Pied Piper’s album, “Songs To Swindle Towns By,” is a nice mix of mellow woodwinds with a more contemporary style.

It was almost reminiscent of Jethro Tull, but with a much lighter, more addictive feel.

The music video for the single “Pay Me or I’ll Take Your Children, “stars the lovable girl from “The Red Shoes.” Her performance was simply unstoppable ? no pun intended!

The Piper’s charm comes across the best in the instrumental “Pest Removal,” which is just fabulous. It made me want to just get up and run away with him.

The CD was going to be recalled, originally, because of the unfortunate “walkman-death” tragedies.

Luckily, this release has had nearly no fatalities, unless you count “death by pleasure.”

Not since the earlier release of the “Jack and the Beanstalks” album, “Giants’ Lullabye” has there been music so peaceful and so moving.

Piper takes a controversial stand on mp3 trading ? he is steadfastly against it.

“Hamelin Recording owes me for making this album,” he says, “But since I get royalties on the profits, I can’t have people trading my mp3s around without buying the album.

Piper’s brother, Peter Piper, defended his brother saying, “if you picked a peck of pickled peppers, you’d expect some sort of monetary compensation, right? Well, making music is the same thing, and I think it’s awful that my brother might not get his due.”

Piper’s stance on mp3s might have cost him some fans, but he is still popular. He is planning to perform at UR for the D-Day celebration as the featured guest.

Campus Activities Board worked hard in order to get Piper, but are worried about their ability to pay him.

CAB has been placed on summary disciplinary probation by Dean of Torture Ken “The Rock” Ensies.

Piper is notoriously edgy about prompt payment, but says that he has a back-up plan in case he is not paid.

“Don’t worry,” he said, with a near-maniacal grin, “I’ll be there no matter what, but CAB better hope they can pay me.”

CAB, acting as a front for the administration, is allegedly intentionally planning not to pay. Jason Smith, Administrative Chairperson of CAB said, “we figure if we don’t pay him, he’ll take the students with him. If that’s the case, let him deal with the whiny brats.”

“We’re tired of dealing with them anyway.”

Ratigan, the world’s greatest rat, can no longer be reached as he has disappeared with the CD.

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