Sometimes I wish I were a computer science major. Granted, I probably wouldn?t have any friends, due to the extensive time I would spend in the lab, and I would probably have carpal tunnel syndrome by the ripe old age of 23.
But then again, my potential employer would also fly me all over the country, and I would end up with a $60,000-a-year job.
Now don?t get me wrong, I only criticize because I love ? some of my best friends are computer science majors. Besides, we have to follow our dreams and do what we have a passion for, right?
So what does this leave me with ? writing skills, a sense of humor that only some find funny and no job. But really, I?m not bitter.
Well, actually, I do have a job ? Starbucks wanted to know if I was coming back to be a barista. Hey, my life is nothing if not glamorous.
But honestly, finding a job after college can be a very stressful endeavor. I have developed an ulcer. In the morning it is usually sitting next to my alcohol-damaged liver sharing a cigarette. I started having these vivid dreams which usually consist of scaling large buildings Spiderwoman-style. Usually I wake up terrified, whimpering for my mommy.
Of course, things are not much better when my mother actually does decide to step in. When I went home recently, she decided that it would be a good idea to ?brainstorm? good jobs for writers. Granted, I can brainstorm until the cows come home, but that doesn?t mean I?m any closer to getting a job. Besides, she really wants me to go to law school or become a ?sit down? comic. (A ?sit down? comic, for those of you who don?t understand, is my mom trying to poke fun at my rather small stature.)
One of the more interesting tactics that some parents use to help their children is to tell them to call a sixth cousin once removed who is in the industry in which they would like to work. One friend of mine was given six different phone numbers to call because there were six people with his cousin?s name in the same area. Those would seem to be very awkward phone calls.
The legitimate way to attempt to get a job is not much better. After all, it?s just a matter of sending your resume to the human resources department and then berating them until it either calls you back or flips you off. It?s truly a wonderful scenario for your already fragile ego.
For some, the hardest part is not getting a job, but trying to support those who don?t have one when you already do. Another friend of mine was berated when he tried to be supportive of his girlfriend, who then proceeded to cuss him out and hang up on him.
Now I know that everyone always says that the best things to do is not worry that everything will fall into place and there?s no rush to start the rest of your life.
Although I agree, that would be a situation I would be more comfortable with if I had a sugar daddy. For all those who are still unemployed, but come from affluent families, please be aware that this position is not yet filled, and I am currently taking applications.
So what is the answer to this age-old dilemma? Well, I?m going to go to Europe for the summer like every other kid I know. I figure I?ll blow the meager savings that I have collected, develop a hump from carrying a backpack as large as I am and ?find myself.?
So if you happen to be in Prague in a few years, and you come across a funny little beer wench, well, it very likely could be me.