You have chosen wisely!!! Professors from the psychology department recently decided to give their students more choices on exams.

Complaining that the answers on psychology exams are too obtuse, freshman Pete S. Sake claims, ?They give you A through E as answers, but half the time, most of the answers are, like, all the same. They need to be more clear. I think they may just be messing with us, to be honest.?

In response to complaints such as these, all psychology students will be treated to questions with answers A through Q from now on.

With so many choices, there will never be any confusion as to what the professor is looking for. Whether anyone will be able to finish these new exams remains to be seen.

Realizing there may be something to this choice phenomenon sweeping the River Campus, Parking Services has decided to give students more parking options.

Sick of hearing students complain that there isn?t enough good parking on campus, one parking official noted, ?We really want to create a better relationship between Parking Services and students.?

If you think creating more parking options for students is a good idea, see Story E, Page 10.

If you think parking is fine the way it is, see Story F, Page 11.



Story D:

I had hoped that Lanthimos would make more substantial changes than swapping the gender of the central character and adding a dramatic musical score to make this story his own. Over its two-hour runtime, this thrilling comedy dabbles in the world of conspiracy theories, aliens, and human existence, but fails to leave a lasting impact. Read More

Story D:

One quiet season for U.S. impacts does not mean climate scientists were wrong. It means that we got lucky. Scientists predicted favorable conditions for intense hurricanes, and we got three Category 5 hurricanes. Read More

Story D:

Our regulations for privatizing articles align with our policies on source anonymization: If it’s deemed that publication may endanger the author, whether to retaliation, risk of verbal or physical threat, or fear of national level surveillance (such as the potential revocation of a VISA), the article will be removed.  Read More