http://www.twilighted.net/
Threesomes: Anyone who’s ever had a twosome has pondered this possibility. If you’ve had sex with one person, you’ve no doubt wondered what it would be like to add a second naked body to the equation, be it male or female. There are a myriad of reasons to do it — for a bit of variety, for more of good thing or perhaps simply to have the experience under your belt.
However, as my insatiable curiosity and endless questioning has led me to discover, apparently it’s only a privileged few who’ve actually made the three person sex dream a reality. I can think of one person I know who’s done it, and it’s worth mentioning that she’s a stripper. Everyone else, myself included, seems content to let it remain a fantasy, for the time being. That’s right -— I’m writing an entire article about something I’ve never done.
Why haven’t I? For the same reasons most of you dreamers probably haven’t. For one, my partners and I usually disagree on what the gender of the third person should be — I say man, he says woman. No surprises there. More importantly, I don’t think I’ve been in a relationship yet that’s hit that sweet spot: the magical point in your time together where you’re both bored enough to actually search for candidates but still close enough that you’re interested in seeing each other naked.
But that doesn’t mean I haven’t thought about the logistics of a threesome — it’s something I’ve considered during my past few years of sexual activity, and lately it’s been one of the many things floating into my mind before I reach sleep. The question that interests me the most is: What kind of person is ideal for bringing into the bedroom with you and your long term lover? Does such a person even exist?
Obviously, there’s the crucial choice between a person you know and a total stranger. If you do go with someone you know, is it better to choose a close friend, or casual acquaintance? A close friend may be more willing to participate, and to work towards looking you in the eye again afterwards.
However, the pre-established bond between you two may understandably increase your partner’s tendency to feel jealous. There’s also always the chance that it will ruin your relationship with the chosen friend completely- if, for example, your friend thinks it’s okay to comment on the birth mark on your left ass cheek, about which you happen to have a crippling insecurity complex, things may end badly. So as it turns out, the thing that makes a close friend an ideal choice also makes it a riskier choice.
What about an acquaintance then? If things go badly, you have much less to lose, making this a somewhat safer choice. In addition, as opposed to choosing a total stranger, with an acquaintance you’ve had a reasonable opportunity to gauge how “normal” they are, and can feel relatively secure in the assumption that they don’t have any uncomfortable fetishes.
But there are problems awaiting you here as well — an acquaintance cares ostensibly very little about you, especially when compared to a close friend. An acquaintance will have almost no reservations about attempting to push either you or your partner aside (depending on his or her preference). Said acquaintance will also feel little guilt about spreading around the nasty details of your bedroom habits if, for some reason, the rendezvous doesn’t go well.
That leaves the terrifying yet exciting option of the total stranger. To maximize the potential benefits of that, seek this person out in a town neither your nor your partner live in. This way, if anything does go wrong, the aftermath is unlikely to haunt you. You can also easily give the person fake names, identities, back stories, etc. In fact, that aspect has fun potential.
Of course, I probably don’t need explain the glaring problem with this scenario — at best, you could end up with someone who wants you to wear a diaper. At worst, you’re about to to chained to the wall and murdered. Though, as a friend of mine pointed out, there are two of you and one of them, so, if things get unsafe, you should be able to double team the freak and knock him out. To be fair, that still wouldn’t make for an ideal situation, and threesomes are supposed to be fun, not land you in court the next week.
Despite how I may have made it out, I don’t think this friend, acquaintance or stranger problem is what makes the threesome dream seem doomed. The bigger problem, as far as I can tell, is finding any person who will say yes. Most of my “which person would be best” musing operates under the assumption that I have hoards of people offering from which I must choose.
Sadly (I think), this is not the case. If, for some reason, this situation changes, I doubt I’ll actually have this hard a time making a decision. Regardless, I promise to report back if I do join my stripper friend in the coveted threesome club, and I’ll tell you how wrong this entire article was.
Bazarian is a member of
the class of 2013.
