The Campus Crime Connection, after reporting on countless juvenile infractions and recognizing the imminent reign of President-elect Joel Seligman, has decided UR should seriously consider removing undergraduates from the campus as a step toward increasing UR’s reputation.Frankly, our undergraduate student body is just childish. We have students smoking up in the back rooms of Wilson Commons. We have students trashing our skate rinks. We have students ripping up seats while they are drunk. What we don’t have is a strong incentive to keep these mindless buffoons off our beautiful campus.After all, how much do undergraduates really contribute to UR? Very little.They whine, moan, complain, get drunk, smoke pot, steal trays, egg cars and cause wanton destruction. And for what? A measly $32,000 a year?No, sir. The CCC asks UR to put its foot down. Stop this insanity, this lunacy and ameliorate this condition. UR lags behind peer institutions in this field. It is time for UR to again lead the field in university ass covering, as it did in the case of Napster.Undergraduates, you know your time has come. No more sweet talk. No more babying from tight-lipped Matt Burns. We have two words for you – “Go home!”
Alumni
Undergrads annoy
Luckily, Rochester’s defense pulled through and made several stops throughout the second quarter, forcing Buffalo to punt post-interception, and forcing a fumble at the ’Jackets 15 yard line with about five minutes left in the half. Read More
Death Star
Undergrads annoy
I saw University President Sarah Mangelsdorf decked out in a black robe, sitting on a quite luxurious office chair in an otherwise empty room with a giant window overlooking the campus. Read More
comedy
Undergrads annoy
As someone who has grown increasingly obsessed with “Taskmaster” since an episode first appeared in my YouTube recommendations about a year ago, I was expecting a lot when I sat down to witness Fringe Fest’s take on the show: “DRAGMASTER.” Read More